Real Time Mentality

I need to express, get it off my chest before the plump fluffy grey clouds unleash their load upon this coast. Walking along the path expecting the weather's wrath thinking about segments of my life every time I take a stride. 

You see she's just teasing me tantalising my rationale, emotions and integrity but I'm not a sucker for this clever cute looker... Okay that was blatantly a lie. 

But that's what I mean; my patience ripping by the seams as I wait for a call that's not gonna arrive. I know she's forgotten or maybe the reality's more rotten and she really doesn't want there to be an us. And I don't mean to fuss, but excuse the impromptu rush and a lack of a solid rhyming scheme to compliment; but minds are far from cement especially when our heart is taking dents from the erosion of the world around you and me. Plus I think you know me by now that I give myself a test every time I release my chest of feelings onto the Internet; it really has to flow to some extent and grow because let's face it, if not, it's an irrelevant wall of text, at it's best. 

Sorry that last sentence was way too OTT, TITF for all Australians and quite impressive for people like me... If there are any. But I don't feel alone although I am walking on my own typing on my iPhone some poetry, that's been circling my mind all day making me insane about this one awesome girl that I have to see.

So i stand near freshy beach contemplating the sand and my feet as I want to trek it to the headland where I and her had our first real, deep
and meaningful, 
emotional, 
insightful, 
moderately romantic, 
inquisitive, 
rationalising, 
humorous, 
cute to an extent, 
over analysing (trust), 
first impressionable, 
longwinded, 
surprisingly not boring, 
attachment grabbing, 
heart fluttering... Chat... Oh god you should've heard the small talk! 

It made me laugh, it was lovely and sunny for a start which is a contrast from this evening's old-fashioned-black-and-white duvet, or "doona" whatever they call and pronounce it over here, overcasting my walk. 

My fingers are too fat for this keypad and it really pisses me off as well as the bullshit predictive text that just denied and refined both of those swear words multiple times. The software development crew seriously underestimate their target demographic of end-users that will type on this thing, then again if not; a painstakingly irrelevant feud of illiterate controversy will entice the media abusers that type shit for a living.

Where was I, you see my attention span is poor, but I needed to clarify the everyday stresses I have to live with and abhor... 
As a paid, 
educated, 
well dragged up 
teenage young man 
living safely 
in the best country in the world. 

I seriously need to get a grip.

So now I'm walking down a certain path, only the second time in my life, the first time was with her by my side. Maybe the darkness and weather is symbolic of something or maybe I need to "harden the fuck up", excuse the inside joke, and be more interesting. Ahhh, the headland between south curly and north freshy beaches that you have to adore, don't red underscore "freshy" it is a word despite what Oxford set as law. 

I just stepped in a puddle... Brilliant. It wasn't too deep, a reliving contrast from my everyday thought processes... Hold on I'm gonna have to continue this writing block of an insight before I bump into a rock and go into flight, land on a rough edge and die. Ironic that the most romantic and beautiful places are probably the most lethal, says a lot about love! 

So with the wave's spray in my face I'm trying to discriminate a random rock from the seat of my newly forged emotional attachment... Oh my days I seriously need to get over this, but I reckon it's a funny bliss that I've bothered walking to a place that obtains smiles. Because if all fails at least I've told this tale but I definitely know it'll work for sure... I suppose.

The confusion will be worth it; an illusion of messed up perfect because imperfections make us appreciate the pure. I'm gonna find the rock now, this next bit is a death trap, Jesus, what on earth am I doing here at nine forty four? Well this will roughly do although I reckon it's over there I could've sworn that there was a puddle with a random crab in it at the time. No this is it, I'm sure. The waves are ferocious on the shore let alone here; the rocky fortress upon which they collide. Yes i was sitting exactly here, her next to me and the crab's puddle dwelling a tad over there and to the side. 

But really what am I doing here, maybe I just want someone to listen and understand my young and naive fear, other than the clueless souls in my career that we call life, with the only light being my iPhone on this night. I'm insane and the weather's beserking so I'm gonna head back before this bit of kit stops working. Far from romantic but at least the trek was worth it. 

Shit, how do I get back up, now that's symbolic of love, okay right there, yeh Bear Grylls action at nine o'clock at night. I point my screen at the rough ground not to light my path around but the backlight glare ironically impairs my forward stare, but I've been a good boy and eaten all my carrots so I'll be allright. It wasn't actually raining but the wind plus tide was spraying and although I'm English I don't approve of the rainy type. 

The heat of the spotlight lamp is a good place to set up camp to finish and rap this block of god knows what, while it's bright. A random guy swimming in the cold sea water pool at nine on the dot he must be insane... Which is rich to me. 

I lied again earlier it was seven to nine... Owh another seven reference what a conspiracy! And yes I may not be terribly religious but I do believe in karma, apophenia and horoscopes to some degree. Right I seriously need my spotlight on my alarm app to see. 

I'll be back, no Shwarzeneger pun intended. 

Okay it's really raining now. Under cover, sorry about that but I would've got trapped in quick sand if i hadn't of gone back. And now the backs of my legs are covered in wet sand as I turfed up dunes making it back to urban land. Now hold on, this is really weird, I'm randomly at the bench where I had my first day of Australian school. It was a mentor training day to train us to help, now last years, youngest little fools. Oh the memories of my year seven, 
no stressful over analysing minds, 
no hard work or jobs, 
no real sex drive apart from a newly found fascination and curiosity with a certain part of the body I need not mention, 
no real troubles 
but still some detentions 
and most relevantly of all, 
no deep emotional feelings for a girl that you've seen first at a nuclear research facility, 
met three times after 
and known for less than a month. 

Oh year seven (I apologise again for the apophenia) were the days but I wouldn't wish to replay because back then there was no romantic love. And one day I'll reminisce, even read over all this shit, and realise that it's actually quite cute. Then I'll be wiser, far more understanding of this life that at the moment I look at like this:

O_o 

Sorry about the emoticon but words cannot describe this long, winding, multicoloured brick road that most can't compute. 

I suppose I should tie this up because I think we all have had enough and I need to get back home and snooze... before my caring mum worries about where her baby is. 

Stop writing an experimental genre-less wall of mind (and no that's not a challenge to fit this into a specific category at all; go and do something constructive with your life) go back home and get ready to start a week of true reality. I just wanted to express in the best possible form yet of what goes on in an unordinary over-structured seventeen year old's over-sized head because i reckon getting this off my muscular growing chest (I've been working out recently) will give others the perception they need to help me.

And if you really want a category, call it real time mentality because it's not often that emotional teenage young men, well boys, write creatively, expressively and quite awesomely on a rainy new-week eve... 

If I may say so myself.