Sun, air and water

Sun, air and water.

 

CHARACTERS:

1^st POLICEMAN: Male police sergeant on a mountain bike. Large and made bigger by stab vest etc.

KREVIN: A man, bearded, pony-tailed, greying hippie type.

CSO: Female Community Support Officer, also on a mountain bike, similarly attired to 1^ST POLICEMAN.

 

LOCATION:

A bench by the river, set back slightly from the cycle path and bathed in low winter sunlight. Sound of mechanical diggers working close by. A bicycle leans against the bench.

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: Afternoon.

 

KREVIN (Looks up from folding a cigarette paper, squinting into the sun.) (Beat.) Morning, corporal.

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: (Smiling at the CSO) Oh, I see. (Back to KREVIN) Do you know this cycle path is closed today?

 

KREVIN (Rolling the tobacco into the paper.) Yes. I read it somewhere.

 

1^ST POLICEMAN (Swinging his head in a bovine gesture towards the way they’d come.) Maybe all those signs back there.

 

KREVIN: Maybe. I don’t remember.

 

CSO: Did you read there’s a lockdown as well?

 

KREVIN (Looking up.) Oh, hello. Morning constable, sorry. (Licking the paper.) Yes. I expect I read that, too.

 

CSO: You shouldn’t be outside unless it’s essential.

 

KREVIN (Squinting into the sun.) Essential?

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: Yes.

 

KREVIN (Waves his rolled cigarette to take in the surroundings.) It doesn’t get more essential than this.

 

CSO: Are you travelling to shop for essentials? Or exercising? If you are, you shouldn’t stop here. Anyway, the cycle path is closed. There are works up ahead.

 

KREVIN (Lighting the cigarette.) I’m exercising.

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: Sitting on a bench smoking is hardly exercise.

 

CSO: Why don’t you hop back on your bike and go back the way you came? The cycle path is closed today.

 

KREVIN: So I understand, thank you.

 

CSO: So why don’t you do as you’ve been asked?

 

KREVIN (Exhaling a plume of smoke.) I don’t know.

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: OK fellah. Enough’s enough. On your bike. Now. (Jerks his head roughly in the desired direction.)

 

KREVIN (Looks at 1^ST POLICEMAN and then at his handiwork, smoothing out a wrinkle.) (Beat.) (Reaches into the bag beside him and takes a book out.)

 

CSO: What are you doing?

 

KREVIN: Exercising. (Opens the book at a marked page.)

 

CSO: No you’re not. You’re reading. That’s not permitted. Put it away.

 

KREVIN (Looks up. Draws on the cigarette.) Please, officers. (Begins reading.)

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: Have you no social responsibility?

 

KREVIN: I voted for Jeremy Corbyn.

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: That’s your business. This is mine. Put the book away and get on your bike. People are losing their lives to COVID.

 

KREVIN (Relights the cigarette.) People will be losing their lives in December and over Christmas and New Year. Will you be out bothering then?

 

CSO: Just be reasonable. You’ve had your exercise. You’ve had your little protest. Why don’t you just go home?

 

KREVIN: Because that would be a long ride, and probably fruitless.

 

1^ST POLICEMAN (To the CSO) I think we’ve got ourselves a philosopher.

 

KREVIN (Squints back into the sun.)

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: You know there’s a fine for breaking lockdown. I expect you’ve read it.

 

KREVIN (Squints back into the sun.)

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: What’s your name?

 

KREVIN: Are you booking me?

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: Have I taken my notebook out? (Beat) What does your mother call you?

 

KREVIN: You don’t want to know.

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: Are you local?

 

KREVIN: I have been.

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: Do you live locally?

 

KREVIN: Fairly, yes.

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: Look. It’ll be dark before long. It’s getting cold. We all just want to get on. We’ve explained the situation. Finish your cigarette. Put your book away, and do us all a favour, eh?

 

KREVIN (Squints back into the sun. Makes to speak. Changes his mind.)

 

1^ST POLICEMAN: We’re riding down to the next bridge. Just don’t be here when we get back.

 

KREVIN: I admire your faith in providence.

 

CSO: Just remember there are penalties. You’ve been given a chance.

 

KREVIN (Nods in acknowledgement.)

 

1^ST POLICEMAN (Pushes off back towards the cycle path.) Let’s go.

 

CSO (Follows suit, then looks over her shoulder.) Don’t be here when we come back.

 

KREVIN (Raises his hand.) (Beat.) (Folds his book closed, takes out his tobacco pouch and tin.)

 

END