The handshake

I slipped into the kitchen whilst my girlfriend was still asleep and squeezed a dollop of her posh hand cream into my palm. I leant round the door with my hand hidden.

'I'm off now, bye.' I said softly.

'No kiss?' She said.

'Ok.' I said and leant over awkwardly, putting my closed fist on the bed with all my weight on the wrist.

Outside it was cold and bright and was forced to squint as I stepped onto my door step. At the exact same moment my next door neighbour stepped out onto his. I really should’ve known this as I usually wait for him to leave, watching through the living room curtains, before I set off myself.

We nodded at each other and walked down our paths. We closed our gates, first mine then his. I consider speeding off right then, but the gap between us was too small and we'd end up walking a couple of yards apart all the way to the station.

I checked my closed hand and then turned to him and smiled. We were going to have to walk together. I got the feeling he was just as unhappy about that as me.

‘It’s really sunny today.’ I said. ‘Not long till summer.’ Not that I could give a toss about the summer.

'Yeah.' He said

'Can't wait for the sun to come out.' I said

‘I can. Last year it was unbearable on the tube.' He responded. Bloody hell, I thought, what sort of person disagrees with idle chit-chat?

We reached the top of our street and turned left onto the main road. The hand cream began to spread to the edges of my hand. Too much time had passed for me to start rubbing it in now, that'd just look weird.

‘How’s work?’ I asked casually, like a normal guy just shooting the breeze, normally.

‘Alright. Got three more days then I’m off on holiday.’

‘Oh wow.’ I say a bit too enthusiastically. I was happy for something neutral to talk about. ‘Where you off to?’

‘Spain for two weeks. We’re going with the wife’s sister and her kids.’ He says spilling out all that information in one go. We could’ve stretched this out at least until Costcutters.

‘You taking the kids?’ I ask. The same kids I hear you screaming at every night?

‘Yeah.’ He replies as if I was asking a stupid question.

‘Oh well, Can't have everything.’ I say with a chuckle.

‘Nah, It’ll be good for them, you know.’ He said disagreeing again. It’s as if he doing it on purpose.

I only know two things about Dan. 1: He’s a train driver. 2: He’s got four kids and only a two bedroom flat. I think he knows even less about me. Maybe I should tell him a bit more about me; about the film (with subtitles) I watched last night or the band I saw on Tuesday in Kentish Town. Perhaps not.

Dan bowls. He also walks really slowly, not like my natural pace, I usually walk quickly but I’m doing an ok job mimicking his stride. He’s short and stocky and I’m tall and thin. We must look like and odd pairing walking in sync, step for step down the high street.

The white cream is now visible at the sides and I try and rub it in with the other hand, whilst trying to keep a steady rhythm. I get really dry hands see. My knuckles especially, they get cracked and sometimes bleed. I don’t have a beauty regime or anything like that.

I know if I were to dive into this shop Dan will be relieved to so I take action

‘Er, I’ve just got to pop in and get some bits for lunch’ I say pointing with my left hand at the shop, regretting using the words 'pop' and 'bits'.

‘Yeah, ok mate.’ He says ‘Take care of yourself.’ He begins to move off and I say bye but I can’t resist, like Pavlov’s dog if he trained him instead to commit a bungling faux pas upon hearing the sound of the bell. I thrust my hand up and he pauses and then grabs it, pressing our palms together. He begins to shake but the look on his face quickly changes. This might take some explaining.