DEAR GOD!

(25th December)
Dear God,
It's your boy here,not doin so good.
Still being bullied at school.
Dont,wanna tell nobody,but I know I should.
Cut my wirsts sometimes with a blade.
Makes me feel better,harming myself.
I know I shouldn't,I just can't control myself.
Shit around me,makes me feel like shit.
I just wanna fucking die an kill myself,
My care home,don't take notice an I'm glad.
Too bad,
they gonna have to take my body down.
An hear the screams of my suicidal sounds.
Ever since Momma died,I've felt deprived.
Keep asking myself,how the fucked I survived.
Anyway,I'm out gonna get some rest,
See if tommorows a better day.
Who knows,shit tommorow might make me less
Depressed.

(Beat)

(27th December)
Another fucked up day again,today.
All em school boys,showin off their new sneakers.
They got for christmas,tryna make me jealous.
Remindin me,my life gonna be bollocks 24/7.
Fuck them assholes,I don't give a fuck.
God,the only time I feel good,is prayin to you.
If I couldn't talk to you,I don't know what the hell
I would do.
I hate my life,I don't deserve it.
All em hooligans,fight an shit,
Still their lifes picture perfect.
But today,I didn't cut myself,that's an improvement.
Sometimes,i feel my life,too bad to be true.
Sometimes,it feel like an illusion.
not cuttin myself,feel like I'm getting contusion.
Anyway,I'm off to bed like a good boy.Goodnight!

(Beat)

(31st December)
Fuck you God,Spoke to you so much.
An still you haven't tried to help me.
Care home,think I'm crazy.
They tryna sell me,to a fuckin insane house.
I don't even talk to them,i'm quiet as a mouse
Cut my wrist 5 times this morning.
Collapsed to the floor,cried like I just lose Momma.
Started fucking mourning.
Started pinching myself too,just get rid of the pain.
That I feel,
I just wanna kill,someone.
But i can't,cause I'm nobody an nobody would visit me.
In jail,fuck these assholes,nobody wants me again.
Little Andrae Carters,fuckin up to no good again.
God I prayed every night,an you ain't take any notice.
Nobody even noticed,I'm not eating shit,
Except a few nasty genus lotus.
Hope,was all I had to be alive.
But now I thrive just to kill myself.
An just moutherfucking die.
So God,fake,punk.
What should I do,cut my limbs off.
One by one with a chainsaw?
Or should I overdose on some medicine?
Liquid traits,paracetomol,asprin,
or just some grams of paracillin?
Nobdy In life understood,what my life was about,
Who I was,what I suffered an how I dealt.
You had your chance to save me,help me an protect me lord.
My life was shit,blood,pain an heartbreak,that what my life was about.
Fuck it,last time I pray to you,just pray for who finds me
I'm out

*MUSIC STOPS,GUNFIRE HEARD*