Series Of Events

Aged eleven I attended court,
Those seedy eyes left me distraught.
You took away every shred of trust that I had,
Why me?
Was I really so bad?
I feel like I'm being punished for your crime,
I'm the one doing a life time inside,
A life sentence in my own mind,
Trapped with thoughts that are so unkind.
I wanna hurt myself as I make myself feel sick,
Pick up a knife,
Hold it to my throat and give it a flick.
I'm used,
I'm dirty,
Why did you have to take my self confidence away from me?
A man that took my life away from me,
Left to wonder free,
I don't want sympathy,
 but maybe you will understand why I am the way I am,
That's how he made it be.
I mean, I've been called frigid before,
I've been called a sexual bore,
By so called Boyfriends,
I wouldn't talk like that to some of my closest friends.
Men who just wanna get their bits wet,
Well I'm sorry, but I'm not ready just yet.
I told you to be gentle with me,
But all you think about are your own needs.
I'd love to be carefree,
Get down and dirty and not feel like it's wrong,
But with men like you about,
The timeframe of my recovery will be awfully long.
See my life has consisted of a lack of trust,
I've had mine broken so many times it feels like every persons must.
Men can be sleazy,
Men can be cheesy,
But honestly, none of these things please me.
I picture a man so greasy,
With black hair, a pointed nose and staring eyes that pierce right through me.
He took away part of my heart without anyones permission,
The part that deals with trust,
Every relationships must,
I never asked him to brush against my bust,
Nor glide across and rub my butt.
I never asked him to pull down his shorts and masturbate with his bits out,
I was so scared I couldn't even shout.
As a ten year old girl, I was mortified,
I saw his face every time I shut my eyes.
When I slept, I wept convinced he was coming to get me,
How after 8 months was he set free?
I left a place similar to the scene of the crime,
Only for you to enter as I waved my friends goodbye.
Why, oh why can't you just die?
The way I did,
The day my trust went and to my parents I had to lie.
See looking back now at my life,
I realise in the water is where all my problems began,
Kind of ironic really, as I use said water to constantly wash my hands.
The doctor said I would need tablets, creams and therapy,
How dare you do this to me!
I'm glad I went to court and got a red flag put up against your name,
I pray it helps prevent it ever happening again.
My Dad is the one who protects me,
In later life he will pass me on to a man he redeems worthy,
But even he didn't know what to do,
You tainted his princess,
He wanted you in a noose!
Instead he stood tall and was the man I respect,
Scum like you deserve nothing but neglect.
I hope one day the dirt I feel runs clean,
In the shower amongst the water where my innocence was taken from me.
I hope one day I find a man that will have me despite my baggage,
 I don't wanna die alone,
The way you should,
You sleazy maggot!