People Stink

I’m tired of people. At TrendWorld I see them come and go every day. Saturday morning is always the busiest. The day starts with a few people coming through the front door then snowballs into some terrible mass of people by two in the afternoon. They bump into each other without and push through crowds in the aisles. No one is in the store very long and it still stays pretty quiet. Once they get outside the door another crowd forms as they all check their wrist devices to catch up on anything they missed.

The little device hung around my neck is bothersome. I want to take it off, but if I do it will attract attention from the Human-Ease System Operators. It tracks all of my interactions with people so system operators can help me be better at customer service. A lot of people hated it at first. Not me. It’s helped me understand a lot about how to interact with other people. For example, I was told that my Smile To No-Smile ratio was out of balance. I started smiling more to improve my score.

“Ben, we need to talk,” my manager states as she approaches me from around an aisle. I am making a shelf of adapters look as good as a shelf of adapters can look.

“Ok. What will we talk about?” I responded. System Operators say that thoughtful questions are good for one’s score. They are a sign that one cares.

“Ben”, my manager starts again. Addressing people by their first name is also good for one’s score. System Operators say it’s very personal.

“We need to talk about how you are interacting with customers. My weekly reports says that you need to display more empathy to the customer. You have a very low Customer Interaction To Customer Sale Ratio. It seems most customers that you talk to don’t buy anything before they leave the store. As you can see, we are concerned about your Interaction To Sale Ratio. Can you stand a little closer to customers and nod your head some more? I think we can do this together Ben!” She concluded with clear instruction and a desire to work as a team. No wonder she is a manager.

I take a step closer to my manager, smile, and nod. “Yes ma’am. I also believe that we can improve this ratio.” She nods her head up and down for a short period then turns and walks away.

As the day wore on, I focused on standing closer and nodding at people. I stood within three feet of some people. It is difficult to get too close to some people when they back up every time I move forward. One couple kept looking at each other whenever I got closer until they put the item they were holding back on the shelf and walked away. I nodded, smiled, and said goodbye to them.

This afternoon, I am working in the washer and dryer section of the store. I enjoy working on this side of the store sometimes. It is a little slower than other parts of the store. I doubt this section will improve my negative correlation of people buying things, but at least I can work on my standing distance and my nodding. I believe my manager called that empathy.

I am standing by our latest model washer when a heterosexual couple walks through the department. I walk up to them and ask them if they need any help with anything.

“Not really. Just looking”, the guy said. Most people say this when they are in this department. No surprise here.

“Well, we really do need a new dryer. The one we have is reallllly old. I think it is literally breaking down soon”, the girl speaks up. I am a little surprised by this and my hopes for a higher Interaction to Sale ratio goes up. I take a step towards her.

“Do you know what kind of dryer you would like to look at?” I ask. Thoughtful question, check. Step closer, check. I prepare to nod at whatever she says next.

“Well, I just want it to dry faster. And it doesn’t need to be so big,” she responds as she is looking over my shoulder at a row of dryers. I nod my head up and down.

“How much are you looking to spend?” I ask, satisfied with myself that this is a thoughtful question as well. I am ready to nod at her response. I take a step closer to her.

“Hey buddy! What’s wrong with you?” the guy said. People passing by stop to watch. I sense he is a little annoyed in this situation, but it is not apparent to me what is bothering him. I hope that some empathy will help to calm him down so I step closer to him and nod that I understand his question.

Whap! The guy’s left fist comes around the side of my head and connects. I didn’t see it coming and I am confused why he punched me. He rips the lanyard holding my device off from around my neck and throws it down. My head is dizzy and I feel like I need to sit down or I’ll pass out. I grab a seat next to a washer until the dizziness passes. I doubt that they are going to buy anything right now.