Prayer List

Those bright sunrays are at it again… they’re waking me up mercilessly; piercing through my eyelids as if they were the owner of my eyes. Really now, can’t I have some more time to rest? This week ain’t exactly the nicest week I’ve been through.

Let’s see now uhh… I’ve been friendzoned (I think) with a man I have a crush on, assignments were not being friendly, not to mention I’ve got several extra load of work due to the extracurricular I took in campus. No, this week has not been friendly to me, not at all. Yet, I am amazed to know that I am able to cope with all this… mind you, not on my own, but with someone I highly value as my Master. If it weren’t for Him, then I guess I’d be dead by now. It’s still a miracle that a trash like me is still breathing today.

Anyhow, I finally got up from my bed and continued on my latest work. It’s not for personal purposes, though… that’s what got me extremely lazy just to finish it. But then, I made myself commit to chopping off bits of work as days go so I wouldn’t have that much of a workload (and trust me, it works swell). There’s only one flaw with this kind of method, though… because I rarely ever count church time.
Ahhh yes, that dreaded word. Indeed, I have been going to church for some time now, but I have not committed to it fully. Hence, one of the members asked me to join their membership team two weeks ago… and I still haven’t got the final answer. I think it’s because I’m not ready for the responsibility that would be given to me. I have to be baptized, commit to offering weekly by tithing, and so on.

I can’t remember the details, or rather, not bothered to. Besides, those were the two things that I’m uncomfortable with. I chose not to be forced either because that would not be from my own will that I join that membership. I’ll see the time when I actually want to join…. On MY OWN. The church’s teachings are very missionary-like. I like it, really, because it teaches one to get out of their comfort zone and reach out to people. Their mission is also to transforming people’s ordinary lives into a Christ-guided lives. It’s beautiful. I wouldn’t mind being a member, but I have my own pace, you see…

Moving on

As soon as I was finished with the shits that I had to do today (yes, I call them shits…), I drove back home and sat on my study desk. I was thinking ‘maybe I should do what my life group (a group that is part of the church that is intended to discuss deeper about the lecture from the pastor) leader told me to do’ and what came into mind was Prayer List. So I grabbed a nearest pen and wrote down on a cheap Tao Kae Noi note papers, listing the names of the people that I have met in my life.

I grouped them into several categories such as Family; Friends; Frienemies (yes, I have them); Teachers and I think I stopped there for now. I started to write some names that I know, tempted to write down the ones I only know best, but then I realized that that’s not going to work. God wants everyone to pray for everyone else, even when they don’t know them. As I realized that fact, I’m beginning to think…

Lord, just… how many people I am supposed to pray for?

Because as I know more people, I would want to pray all of them automatically… it’s unbelievable… then am I supposed to pray for the whole world? For the people who have not been saved and for the people who are lost?

How many am I supposed to save someone when there is only one of me and billions of them out there?
A sudden pain struck my heart as I realize that it’s really difficult to be a Christian. It’s the most difficult task, if not an obligation, to do. Not to mention for the people you pray for, they might not be going to the direction that you wanted them to. Praying with persistence, reaching out, helping others… just what is this?

It’s not something someone would easily do. In fact, EVERYONE does not want to do this because it’s fucking difficult. We, as humans, wanted to be reached out to now don’t they? So then why are we closing up to each other and not share what’s inside?

…

It’s enough… I think…

But in the end, I still don’t know who I am supposed to pray for because the list keeps growing each and every day as I introduce myself to a new person. A new name, a new personality, a new character… to change, to mold and to shape back into God’s humble perspective…