The Need To Change

By requiemromance

Sun, 30 Aug 2009
  • 1428 reads
10 comments
 

A bleak and empty figure I’ve become
Heavy and weightless at the same time
A relentless draught torments my brittle bones I’m unable to feel warm for even a second
And my body’s forever damp with sweat

Strange forces cast huge miserable shadows over me
Cursed by perpetual darkness torturing my exhausted heart
Exhausted from so many failures And feeling ill equipped to cope with life

A romantic at heart yet too cynical to be so
So many tragedies I’ve witnessed
I’ve seen beautiful translucent souls of my contemporaries
Their hearts full of love and warmth And dark, twisted madness in the hearts of others
Friends and heroes destroying themselves daily
Why do we feel so unloved?

I wish to love myself but I’m overwhelmed with self loathing Self loathing for my sensitivities and problems Hopes, fears and my weaknesses too

I’ll leave this baron life
Seek my pleasures in new locations
Surround myself with sweet angels
Resist the dark temptation of self loathing
And learn to feel love with no questions asked.

Certificate PG
Poem
Poems
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
I like this, Ben and the last line is particularly strong. Tina

 

Submitted by requiemromance on
Thanks Tina, I'm glad you liked it. It is quite bleak, and a little over 18 months has passed since I wrote yet already it resembles nothing of my present life. x

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
I'm glad, Ben. Writing for many of us is like a safety valve. Open it and we have air to breathe again;-) Tina x

 

Submitted by Cavalcader on
New I like this although it is very sad but every day is anew day, a load of us cannot undo that valve I meet so many everyday young and old. and me to find out about lives sometimes young and old want achat passing time. Mine doesn't discuss things with me, so out I go to the world.A creative day somewhere somehow. julie x (:-

Submitted by sarah wilson on
Tina has said it exactly right. This is a great piece of 'letting go'. sarah

Submitted by jennifer on
Great imagery, but would benefit from a rewrite - try to make every word count - you could say this more powerfully in fewer words, I feel. How about it, because there is great potential here? J x

 

Submitted by requiemromance on
Thanks for your kind words Jennifer. I'll give it a try, although I'm not much of a poet, I just feel compelled to write sometimes.

Submitted by jennifer on
That's the same for me, now use that energy and bend it and shape it, and the 'poet' will emerge! J x

 

Submitted by requiemromance on
Well, I've trimmed it up and changed it around. I'd really appreciate some feed back.

Submitted by jennifer on
Better, but screaming out for some order in the line lengths and desperately in need of punctuation. Here's a jiggle: A bleak and empty figure I’ve become, Heavy and weightless at the same time. A relentless draught torments my brittle bones; I’m unable to feel warm for even a second And my body’s forever damp with sweat. Strange forces cast huge, miserable shadows Over me, cursed by perpetual darkness torturing My exhausted heart; exhausted from so many failures, And feeling ill equipped to cope with life. A romantic at heart, yet too cynical to be so. So many tragedies I’ve witnessed; I’ve seen beautiful, translucent souls of my Contemporaries, their hearts full of love and warmth, And dark, twisted madness in the hearts of others, Friends and heroes destroying themselves daily: Why do we feel so unloved? I wish to love myself, but I’m overwhelmed With self loathing; Self loathing for my sensitivities and problems, Hopes, fears and my weaknesses too. I’ll leave this BARREN life, Seek my pleasures in new locations, Surround myself with sweet angels, Resist the dark temptation of self loathing, And learn to feel love with no questions asked. Now, tighten it more. It needs more shape and structure. Any thoughts? J x