Older Than 10

Edward remembered his tenth birthday party --

And I'm wearing my favorite pants. They’re camouflage for a hunter. Just Like Rambo in the TV movie, First Blood.

            Outside, the snow is dropping huge flakes. Cars are stuck up and down the hill where I live. This foster home is neat.

            My foster mom even invited some of the kids from around to come to my party at MacDonald's. Then some older people sang songs and all the kids cheered. We had party hats and blown up balloons. I had a red one, but yellow is my favorite color. 

            Today, I have to remember to smile, like the sun.

            I want to shine brightly. The sun makes people smile. Rain makes people grumpy. I want people to smile, especially today.

            When we get back from Macdonald's my foster mom has another surprise. "What do you think about a couple of adults coming over Edward?"

     I like that. She asks my opinion, instead of treating me just like a little kid. It makes me feel like I'm somebody special.

            "Great!" I answer.

             She's a single parent. And her two girls are a pain in the butt. My foster mother doesn't like it when I slap them though.

            When everyone finally arrives, there is lots of noise and good presents. I got a model airplane and a kite, even a Blue Jay baseball cap. "Neato," I say over and over. "Thank you, thank you," my mouth opens wide like a fish I once saw in an aquarium.

My foster mother says I'm a polite boy. I like it here. And I really, really hope I don't have to move anymore. Maybe she'll keep me until I'm a man.

            Oh no, I forgot.

            Men can be mean. They do mean things. Even go away or die on you. I promised myself I don't want to grow up. I want to stay ten years old, forever. And keep it like today ... the happiest day of my life.

            I open all my gifts stacked up on the table. I make a messy pile of torn wrappings and ribbons. But nobody seems to care.

            "It's your special day, Edward. So, I won't be too tough on you." Sometimes my foster mother is cross, not today though. I really love her. She's very nice to me.

            Everyone likes my new haircut. Now I can see my ears in the mirror. I wanted new running shoes. "Not enough money," my foster mother said. I promise her, “Someday I'm going to be rich.”

            Balloons are piled all over the table, and we start throwing them around. Then my favorite T-Shirt got messy from my ice cream.

            We live in a big house with a hill at the back. I hope I don't get grass stains on my pants when summer comes. I don't like to get into trouble. It makes people unhappy and mean.

            Right now the grass is painted white from the snow. When I'm up in my bedroom on the top floor, I can see the whole world, like now.

            My fun party is over and I'm thinking bad thoughts again. I wish I could stop worrying and just be a little kid.

            The bogeyman used to scare me when I came here two months ago. I could hide from him by shutting my eyes real tight. And stay way under the covers.

            It's much better when he can't see me. Sometimes, I scream in my dreams and wake everybody up. Then my foster mom has to hold me until everything is okay and I fall asleep.

            One day, everything changed. The Children’s Aid told me I have to move somewhere else. My foster mom says it’s because I keep hitting her little girls. And everyone is crying.    

            Especially me.