Someone's Son Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

And then it was over. Sheldon felt like a piece of cheese no one wanted. It was as if he was the last chunk on the plate. Again.

          Mom helped prevent his heart from breaking into a million pieces. Good ole mom. She was always there for him, during good times and sad times. Even though there were many days he kind of forgot about her. When he thought only of dad.

          From the sidelines, she helped her son pick up the pieces. "Hang in there Sheldon," she kept saying.

He stared out the window a long time before he felt something was wrong, very wrong. Dad was usually on time, but not today. He was already half an hour late. What could be the matter? Sheldon paced his room, his heart feeling heavy. A nasty whisper tugged inside of him.

          "No. It can't be. Everything was going just right. Dad and me, we're buddies. And mom and dad were going to get back together. Well maybe, at least in his own mind. Thoughts buzzed like hungry mosquitoes. He knew this wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

Dad always said how important it was to be punctual. "Where was he?" Sheldon threw myself on the bed, noisily. He knew mom heard. He kicked off his sneakers. They smacked hard against the wall, first one then the other. He sat up, tore off his jacket, and threw it against the wall. The loud smack against the drywall wasn't noisy enough.

          "Where is my dad?" Sheldon was beginning to get really upset. And what about mom? He thought. Usually she came storming up the steps if he made too much of a ruckus in his room.

          Whenever he had a friend over and they made too much noise, mom would be up in a flash to check things out. "No wrestling in the house," she always reminded. He heard movement on the stairs. It wasn't her usual rushing, or quick steps either. She was talking to herself. No, it sounded more like sobbing. Like an echo moving up the stairs, coming to give him a body-slam.

          By the time she got to his doorway, he knew dad wasn't coming today. Other scary thoughts danced around in his head. Maybe, "Never again," they said.

          He turned on his side and curled up like a caterpillar. Sheldon usually did this when he was afraid. If only mom would come and tell him what was going on. But he was confused, because he also wanted to be alone. And his mom knew it too. She leaned over and kissed her son on the cheek. When she left, there was an envelope beside his arm.

          It had Sheldon's name on it, and a Toronto return address.

          Tears blurred his eyes. He knew it was from dad. His father had this squiggly way of writing, as if his letters were chasing each other. That's why Sheldon wanted to be like him. To be chasing after things and maybe, being fast enough to catch them. Just like chasing his dreams. He really wanted to be a Forest Ranger. Dad told him to, "Go for it." But where is he now?

          He picked up the letter. Sheldon knew the words would sting. He took the paper out of the envelope and read:

"My Dear Sheldon, You always worried about being a wimp. You're not. You'll never be. I am so proud of you. I'm the wimp in the family. You made me feel so good these past four months. And I did not even have the courage to tell you to your face. I got transferred back to Toronto. I could have refused, but I didn't.

By the time you get this letter, I'll be looking out my window, thinking of you and your mother. It just couldn't work out, son, between your mother and me. We can't get back together just yet. Three years away was such a long time. Who knows what the future will bring?

All I know is the time you and I spent together was so precious. Thank you for loving me again.

Love and hugs - Your proud dad."

 

"It's not fair! Just not fair!" Sheldon crumbled up the letter and threw it away. He lay there as sobs shook through him. His mom was at his side before he knew it. Her warm hand on his neck and face was soothing.

          "Why mom? Why couldn't you both get back together? I love him so much mom." They both had a long cry, wrapped in each other’s arms. It seemed as if his childhood evaporated like a fizzled-out balloon.

          He got up later and picked up dad's letter. He flattened it out carefully, smoothing the creases. And stuck it in his pocket. It was the only letter he had ever received from his dad.

          And he wanted to keep it.

          While his mom fussed around the kitchen he put on his coat and went into the backyard. As he sat on the swing he tried to think how mom felt when dad had left her before. She must have been sad like him. Maybe grown-ups didn't hurt so badly? He was just a kid and needed a father.

          And he hurt badly.

          Was he going to be like those other boys? The ones who were in the Big Brothers? And then it hit him, like a football tackle from one of his friends. The trip Larry took him to in Tatamagouche. Was that why they went? Dad was trying to tell him something.

          Did he purposely miss coming because he knew he was leaving? Did he want Larry to be his Big Brother? What...What, then? Did Mom know any of this? Did Larry? The boy felt lost and alone. Dad must have wanted him to understand, life goes on.

          As he sat on the swing some of their adventures swirled in his head. It hurt to think of them. He put his hand in his pocket and felt dad's letter. He didn't feel angry, just hurt and sad too. Why didn't dad tell his son to his face? Sheldon's tears overcame him as if from a bursting dam. He felt betrayed.

          How could his father do this to his son? After all they did together? Everything was beginning to work out.

          No, darn it...stop. But he couldn't. Once again, he let the tears come in wave after wave. His mom appeared out of nowhere, like a ghost. She handed him a box of Kleenex, then disappeared into the house.

          And once again his heart pounded as he read the letter, analyzing every word. He tried to place himself inside his dad's head and watch his hand write these words.

          Was he sad? Was he crying too when he wrote this message? He said he was a 'wimp.' Why was dad afraid to tell his son about moving?      How would Sheldon have taken it? Probably let out a howl and then bawl like a baby.

          Maybe that's why the man couldn't face his son.

          Dad said Sheldon made him feel good. And he was proud of his son. What about Sheldon's birthday? He'll be thirteen soon. Will he come back for a piece of cake? Will he even remember the times they had? Was he jealous of Larry? Was he afraid to come back and live like a family again?

          Questions piled up on top of more questions.

          But dad did write a letter. Not like the last time he went away. This time he wrote his son...Sheldon, a letter.

          He even gave his address. And he left something else... words to remember.

          As Sheldon hung onto the swing rope he smiled at the babyish way he acted trying to put on a squishy worm. Dad helped him get over that.

          And the campfires they had in the woods. Dad trusted Sheldon to look after them. Even though he burned his fingers, through carelessness. And the visits to the Portapique dump. The boy liked going there even if it didn't smell so good. He liked the way garbage bags split open after flinging them into the burning piles.

          And what about the heap of wrecked cars nearby? The picture dad took of him standing beside the battered demolition derby car was neat. It must have won a few times at Maitland Raceway.

          He barely noticed his mom come into the yard and leave a plate of peanut butter cookies. And some chocolate milk as well.

          Sheldon gobbled his favorite cookies.

          And chugged back the drink treat.

          He remembered the trip to the Truro Reservoir. It had been a dry summer and the water level was down. Dad had walked with him all around the edge of the dam. They saw deer tracks and old tires and he had felt like taking a drink in the creek flowing into the reservoir. At the time dad said, "No." He remembered the strong grip on his arm as he tried to pull away.

          "Don't be so headstrong," dad had growled. "That's not clean enough to drink." He really cared about his son's health.

          Sheldon wished his father's hand gripped his arm right now. He missed him already. Would he ever come back? Dad's letter had cut like a knife. It was worse than when he left the first time. Then, he was just a father. Now he had lost not only a dad, but a friend too.

          The boy was getting chilly in the outside air. The wind seemed to pick up and blow right through him. He could see someone looking through the door, watching. It was mom. His eyes were blurry with tears but he could still make her out. He began to turn away in case she him bawling. But then, he stopped. She knew he wasn't a little baby. She knew he didn't sob over just anything. She's his mom. She's all he has left now.

          His heart was crying for his dad but he was glad his mom was there. She came outside at the nod of his head.

          A sad son cried out, "Oh mom."