Fight or Flight

I found this unusual; it's difficult to say if the repetition is annoying or effective - or indeed annoyingly effective. :-) Some lines rhyme, some don't; but not, as far as I can see, according to a particular pattern. In the absence of this, as poetry, it would have been more effective if you opted for one or the other. All the same, it is strangely compelling writing. regards Ewan

Hi Roller (sounds grand eh? ;) - and don't feel threatened - OKAY!! ;-) lol I liked the idea and I liked the rhyme and rhythm of : "Threatened by spouse’s expectations, Threatened by off-spring’s communications," A common criticism laid at my door is that my work is not always balanced and that makes it a struggle to read and I felt that a bit about this one. I think this could be a very good piece (but hey Roller I'm a new boy on the block too so if this doesn't scan then just ignore it ;-)) if you were to balance it and, if you are going to have rhymes, to keep them in the same place in each verse. I count syllables as opposed to following metre (I do hope to get there some day) so once again please feel free to ignore this advice if it doesn't fit with where you want to go with your work. As an example each of the verses could start as the second verse does with a rhyme of 1st line = 9 syllables and 2nd line = 10 So the first verse could start: Threatened by towers of washing up Threatened by the scum on last night's soup cup Anyway, you get the idea. Just a thought. ;-) (Oops! Didn't realise Ewan had already been here but I think I'm saying something similar)

I agree, in part with the above comments. I do struggle when repetition which can be very effective, has a very direct visual impact - as this piece does. I think on the whole that with repetition less is more. Margot