A Relationship

My heart fills this house

I lay as quiet as a mouse

The sugar spikes my brain

A dream-like, fruity rain

My skin sits uncomfortably

I try not to let the past consume me

I want to greet change indefinitely

I fear something that I cannot see

The past is subjective snippings

Of a film reel of selective clippings

The parts that I have understood

To change some still I wish I could

I greet the silence with relief

The lack of sound cures my grief

This emptiness I call my own

Allows me time to unwind alone

Before my body allows me to sleep

Again I refuse to let my soul weep

I beg the darkness to shut me down

That in my dreams I shall not drown

When I wake a few times

Reminded of my many crimes

The past that enjoys haunting me

Can never alleviate completely

These days I expect little and slow movement

The only way forward is my self-improvement

Goals I must attain in order to move on

These lessons in life will make me strong

Perhaps I may make a friend again

Not sure how, not sure when

I miss long conversation and companionship

Although I am far from ready for a relationship