Room 410 - A Monologue

Room 410 - A Monologue
Can you believe this shit? Greg’s here. What the hell is he doing here? He’s fucking spying on me that’s what he’s doing.
He hates me working here. Doesn’t like men talking to me, doesn’t like them looking at me. I get attention here and he doesn’t like it. He knows I love working here, knows I like to dress up a bit and get my heels on. I’m not allowed to wear heels with him, did I tell you that? Because then I’m taller that him and he can’t stand that. What a pratt. It’s the only money I get for myself, what I earn here. Greg says we need to save all our money, save every penny. Then why the fuck am I working for his Uncle Dan? Did I tell you about my job working for his Uncle? We sell books from the back of his car. Basically we drive from business to business, leave them a load of books to look at, then come back a week later to take any orders. He sells and takes the orders while I carry the beauty books, cook books or whatever the book of the fucking month might happen to be, from the car, to him, where he waits with his clip-board – wanker.
Anyway, here’s the crack, I don’t even get paid! My earnings pay the rent apparently. I reckon they think they’re all doing me some kind of bloody favour letting me live up there with them. Like I really want to live with his Uncle Dan the dirty fuck. And I don’t call him dirty for nothing - the fucker’s always got his hand on my arse. Greg’s blind to the whole thing. All he thinks about is me being the perfect girlfriend who does all the right things, follows all his rules. He’s so controlling right, he wont even let me smoke a whole fag. I have to have half of his. Even his mother can’t understand that.
You know he takes me there and leaves me with her. Leaves me there all day sometimes. He wants me to talk to her see, get on with her. She tries to control me too. Tries to make me order stuff from the catalogue, for the future. Yeah right, what future? Course he loves all that. That’s what he wants. He wants me sitting at home drinking tea and talking shit.
Then there’s Dan’s girlfriend. She is unbelievable. You have never seen anything like it. I swear, she has a face the colour of a baked bean! She has this sun-bed that she pulls over her bed every night and literally fries herself. I wish someone would tell her how bloody awful she looks. I reckon it might have to be me. She works in a make-up department and she keeps on about wanting to ‘make me over’. It’s funny isn’t it, to think there she is giving me beauty tips and her bloke’s trying to get in my knickers.
I moved in there, what, a year ago? Basically, I moved in there to shut him up. He kept on and on about it. Wanted to have a baby ‘asap’ as he put it. Things weren’t that good when I moved in, I just thought maybe it’d get better once we lived together.
I used to think he was wonderful though, in the beginning. We used to have such a laugh. And now all he wants is a fucking baby. Wishful thinking considering we have sex once in a blue fucking moon! We used to do it every chance we got. In a field, behind the village hall, anywhere, we even did it in the snow once. All I get now is ‘I’m too tired, I work too hard’. I work hard and I still want sex.
That’s what I love about Ian. He wants it all the time. I don’t feel guilty either anymore. I can’t stop it. I need Ian like I never knew I’d need anything. I want him all the time. I’ve taken so many risks to be with him. I’ve lied about spending the night with friends so I can spend the night or just a few hours in one of these rooms with him. I love being in these rooms. I love the smell of the cigarette stained carpet in the hall and those ashtrays, the tall metal ones, like milestones leading to room 410 or whatever it is. We didn’t even get to the room once, did it right there in the corridor. Being with somebody who feels just how you feel, somebody who wants to touch you like you want to be touched, is something I can’t do without now. We get drunk on beer and lay naked on the bed, on the floor, in the bath, wherever, just touching. I can remember every room we ever made love in. I love all of them, especially the business suites. There’s something quite sexy about them, something a bit naughty, do you know what I mean?
Maybe the reason I like being with Ian so much is because he can see me. He sees more in me than everyone else round here. I don’t just want to sit around waiting to get pregnant, married or whatever. I want to get out of here. I want to meet people. I don’t see why I shouldn’t fulfil the dreams I have, surely that’s what they’re meant for. Ian makes me feel I can do that. He makes me feel as though I’m still kicking and that makes me believe that I will get out of here. I’m scared that if I lose that feeling I’ll never leave this town. I’ll never know who I am.
Well I’ll tell you one thing, I’m not giving up my job because of Greg and I’m certainly not giving up Ian. I might just run off with him somewhere. Elope. But course, he’s engaged isn’t he.