BAT OUT OF HELL

By

Shane Scott

****

      Zinkie drove like a bat out of Hell for good reason. 

     Dark beady eyes scanned the road ahead of him and his right hand gripped the steering wheel tightly.  Heat lightning flashed nonstop in the broken sky turning the ugly landscape blurring past into a hostile, alien world.

     “C’mon. C’mon. C’mon” Zinkie muttered over and over.

     Screaming down the poorly maintained highway Zinkie’s vehicle hit a large pothole and lurched, on the verge of careening off the road or tearing apart.

     “Hold together, baby.  Hold together.” Zinkie pleaded, patting the dashboard of his car encouragingly with this left hand.

     After what felt like an eternity, far ahead in the distance, a graffiti covered road sign on the edge of the highway came into view.

     “Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” Zinkie whispered as his impossibly adorable, tiny fur covered snout smiled, showing two impossibly adorable tiny fangs.

     Zinkie’s frail looking, bony left arm, attached to his wing reached out and his tiny left hand slowly pushed the T shaped throttle lever to the forward stops, lighting the afterburner.  Three feet of blue flame ignited behind the three foot bat-mobile causing it to surge forward, pushing Zinkie heavily into his seat.

     Reading the sign as it flew past, “Now Leaving Hell” Zinkie had no intention of slowing down anytime soon.

****

     The Lesser Demon Eek Beak started to speak then decided to just freak.

    His succubus wife screamed, “It’s called The Highway TO Hell, not Highway OUT of Hell! How did that stupid bat even build a bat-mobile? And for you-know-who’s sake, what did he use to power it?” Misery glared lovingly at Eek before continuing to scream at him, ”And whatever he used, we need to get rid of it, every bit removed from Hell, right now before the Boss gets back.”

     “No, that’s not going to work.” 

     Continuing to scream, Misery went on. “Why?  Why not?  You want everyone deciding to leave?  Whatever Zinkie used to supercharge that bat-mobile, it has to go.”

     “Zinkie used Hellfire.” Eek told his wife.

     Misery crossed her arms over her gorgeous naked breasts. “WHAT????  THAT ISN’T GOING TO WORK!!!!  We can’t get rid of Hellfire from Hell!!!!! We are so screwed!  When the Boss gets back we will be lucky if he doesn’t kick us out of Hell for incompetence.”

     “We could give him another reason.” Eek offered.

     Misery uncrossed her arms asking in a husky voice.  “Another reason?”

     Eek loved his wife, a cardinal sin in Hell.  He also wanted to fornicate with her, the number one cardinal sin in Hell.  Fornication with someone you loved meant instant and permanent expulsion from Hell and no one wanted that except stupid Zinkie.

     Telling Misery how much he loved her Eek said, “This is all your fault you dumb bitch.”

     Misery’s eyes went wide and her gorgeous breasts heaved.

     Eek always felt uncomfortable having to talk to Misery like that but whispered sweet-nothings were painful for a succubus to hear and actually saying “I love you” often proved fatal.  They had different rules from Lesser Demons like Eek, designed to keep them from actually falling in love.

     “The Boss is going to make us go Upside and chase that miserable rodent down.”  Misery said miserably, before pushing Eek behind his desk and roughly kissing him.

     Eek wasn’t sure a quick vacation Upside would be a bad thing.  If they both went Upside, at the same time, he could finally tell his wife how much he loved her, without having to say those terrible hateful things every succubus liked hearing.