Anything For Her

“Will, wake up.” A familiar voice prodded followed by a hand to jostle him awake. “It’s almost time.

 

There wasn’t much else he needed to motivate him into a sitting position, elbows resting on his knees as his hands worked the tired from his eyes. Today was the day. The one year anniversary since he last felt whole, and the day that would determine what pieces still remained. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. Terrified. The grey that had so recently infiltrated his hair told the story of uncertainty, of a man never knowing what the next day may bring or what it may take away. “Get me some water, will ya?” His voice sounding too old for a man of thirty eight years.

Matt was right. He had come so far, six months of torture, week after week. It was no wonder he had aged fifteen years since his last birthday, and he was not about to put it all in jeopardy for a sip of water. With a thirsty sigh, he rose to his feet and made his way from the couch he now called bed, to the door that held the one thing in his life he still held dear.

 

Turning the icy knob and pushing his first step through, this room was unlike anywhere else in the house. Warm, welcoming, helpless. Though there was something new, something that he hadn’t seen or felt for nearly a year now. It laid in the reclined hospital bed centered in the middle of the room, eyes closed and a blanket up just past its shoulders with oxygen tubing strapped under its nose. It was hope. And for the first time since it all started, he finally felt like he was in control. 

 

William took his steps to the edge of the bed, the beeping from the monitor sounding like music to him, knowing as long as he heard its amiable melody that he still had purpose. Leaning down, he placed a kiss atop his sleeping daughter forehead and took a step back toward the way he came. Giving her leg a reassuring squeeze as if to tell her that after today they won’t have to worry about a thing for a very long time, even though he knew she would never feel it even if she had been awake. “Back in a bit, sweetheart.”

 

The ride to the studio seemed too short, not nearly enough red lights and stop signs for Will to get his nerves in check. But now he was standing in the hallway to the field, bouncing up and down on his toes and taking deep breaths. The event had to be moved from the theater that could only fit three thousand people to somewhere bigger and he was just moments from being called to the stage that stood at the fifty yard line.

 

“Hey, hey, take it easy.” His brother said, placing a hand on Will’s arm to get his attention. “You get like this before every show. You’re gonna do fine. And then it’s over for good.”

 

No longer bouncing on his toes, the energy having been stored in the bottle inside for later, though the heavy breathing and pounding heart still remaining. “I know, I know it’s just.. I mean, it’s not even the crowd, I don’t even know how many people are out there, It’s.. It’s just not something you get used to. Ever.”

 

“I hear ya. I’m not even the one going out there and I’m nervous.” Matt’s laugh barely audible over the shows host getting the crowd excited and crowd screaming in response. 

 

“YOU’VE FOLLOWED HIS STORY FOR SIX MONTHS…” Nearly nothing audible over the noise as the announcer boomed through the speakers backed up by the raucous cheering of the stadium.

 

Maybe he would have smiled too if he were here for some other reason “Do you think they’d be proud, Sam and Nat?”

 

“What?! Say that again!” Even in a lull Matt had to strain to get his voice heard.

 

“Sam and Nat! Do you think they would-“ 

 

  “AND NOW, FOR HIS EPIC CONCLUSION! GIVE IT UP FOR WILLIAM ANNE GIBSOOOOOOOON!” If he thought it was loud before, all he could hope for now is that he makes it home still able to hear.

 

With his brothers arm wrapped around his shoulders in a sort of half hug, he started on his path down the hallway leading to the field. He couldn’t tell, but he knew Matt was going off on his usual rant before every one of his performances, “You got this, kid” and “There’s nothing they can do that will hurt you” and “It’ll be over before you know it.” Stopping at the entrance to the field, William turned back to his brother, and as the ritual has gone so many time now, he mouthed “Stop calling me kid”. Inaudible, but Matt recognized the pattern made by his lips which brought a smile to his own, and pulled Will in for one last hug before he went out.

 

His heart beat with the pounding of the stadium that almost seemed to have a life of its own as he took his first step toward the stage. With his head down marking out his path, he counted each step he took hoping for some sort of therapeutic relief. Though before too long he found himself at the base of the stairs and paused just long enough to take a deep breath before ascending to the platform. “William!” Said the announcer.

 

Angling his head up as he was addressed, but rather than looking at the one person standing in front of him, his eyes were locked on the crowd that had since quieted down to a train crashing into a fireworks factory. His heart dropped. Every single seat had been filled. 82,000 ‘people’, a word he was hesitant to use to describe them. How can somebody with such lack of humanity still be considered a person? To him, they were savages. 

 

“So, Will.” The announcer spoke and raised a hand toward the crowd to quiet them, to which they responded to immediately. Trained savages. With his attention now on the man with the mic, a man in his sixties trying to hide it. His hair a darker black than it had been a week before, been under the knife more times than fingers on his hands, and skin of tanned leather, all packaged in a black suit he had help putting on. “Tell us. Are you excited as we all are? Are you excited to be on your very last episode? Only one more performance between you and 25 million dollars.” He asked, staring at Will with a sickly, tired smile from a face not entirely his own that had been doing this far too long.

 

“No.” Will responded blankly, “I just want to get this over with.”

 

“Right. Of course you do. Six months and you haven’t changed an ounce!” He laughed, as did the crowd. When the crowd had once again quieted enough to hear crickets, “Let’s get you strapped up.. But first, let’s take a look back at the story of Will we have followed for so long.” Gesturing up toward one of the giant screens that stood tucked in a corner, despite each one showing the same picture. A man with dark brown hair and a smile that looked so alien to him today, and an arm draped over his daughter shoulder, his head leaning against hers as she held in her hand an acceptance letter to Cornell University. “Look how happy they are.”

 

Will could do nothing but feel his blood boil. He hated to see his life publicized in such a way. He hated for people to think this was anything more than just a job to him. But he stood there. “This picture was taken 366 days ago, by his loving wife, Natalie. Unfortunately, she was not in this picture. As a day later, both her, and their daughter Sam, while driving to inform Sam’s grandparents of her acceptance into Cornell, they got into a fatal accident.” Just then a symphony of “Aww” rang throughout the stadium, only serving to make Will sick. “Natalie was pronounced dead at the scene and his daughter was airlifted to the nearest hospital. She survived, but with a severed vertebrae in her neck. Today, she lives with her father, Will, who takes care of her all hours of the day and loves her more than anything, isn’t that right, Will?” He asked and held the end of the long mic out for Will to answer.

 

“Right.” He said sternly through gritted teeth and rubbed his eyes as the screens ran through a slideshow of everything he had been through until this point, finishing with footage taken just moments before of him walking toward the stage.

 

“Well, let’s not keep you waiting any longer. I’m sure you want nothing more than to finish this, and return to your beloved daughter, 25 million dollars richer.” The crowd burst out in cheers again as they took the few remaining steps to the chair sitting in the middle on the stage. It had dozens of individual leather sections made specifically to contour perfectly to every joint in Wills body, with only pads around the head area and straps to wrap around his wrists and ankles telling him this was not somewhere you’d want to sit. 

 

As soon as his wrists and ankles were bound, the announcer placed the pads strategically against each of his temples. “Remember, you can exit at any time just by thinking ‘exit 5-4-3-2-1’ but that will be the end of it. You will no get the 25 million unless you start over and go through another six months.” He spoke in secrecy of the crowd. “Legally I have to tell you won’t remember the show, only how to get out.. Good luck in there, Will. We’re all really rooting for you.” Patting Wills shoulder, the announcer turned back to face the crowd and brought the mic to his mouth, raising his free hand with only three fingers held up. 

 

“THREE..” He took a deep breath, “ TWO..” and closed his eyes. “ONE..”

 

 

---

 

“Hey, sweetheart.” Will said as he took his first step into that warm room and closed the door behind him. “Feeling good? Want anything?” The technology that had been part of his daughter for so long now has always seemed alien to him, like they were sucking the life from her rather than prolonging it.

“It still hurts.. But I’m managing.” Sam said, “Can we.. talk?” She sounded hopeless, though neither person in that room could remember her sounding like anything else anymore.

 

“Of course.” Will said and closed the distance between the two, bringing a chair over from the corner to sit at the side of the bed where she laid reclined. “Next time I see Nurse Dorian I’ll ask her to increase your morphine dose. But what’s on your mind, sweetheart?”

 

Thankful she could turn her head, never taking for granted the most insignificant of things again, she aimed to face her father. “Dad.. What do you think it’s like? Being like.. me.” She asked, her voice sounding weaker now than just moments ago as every breath was a fight. “What would you do.. If you were me?”

 

“Oh, honey, I..” He paused. There was no answer he could truthfully say that wouldn’t be begging for death. If he were in her position, laying in bed with nothing to live for, waiting everyday for death to finally take him, he would plead to whoever could make the decision, to end his life. But he couldn’t say that. “I would spend every second I possibly could with my family.. I would tell each of them how much I love them and..” His eyes began to well up, no longer speaking as to what he would do, but as to what he hopes she would find the strength to do. “And I would make sure they all know how much they mean to me.. You.. Your mother.. Uncle Matt, Grandma and Grandpa..”

 

“Dad.” She interrupted before he could go off naming the rest of the family and for how hard it seemed for him to continue. “You know I love you, right?”

 

“Of course, sweetheart.” He had to look away, if even for a moment, to wipe a tear from his eye before it had to chance to show itself to Sam.

 

“And you know.. the last thing I’d ever want to do.. is hurt you, right?”

 

Before he could answer, the room turned silent and everything turned to grey. No noise came from the heart monitor and there was no sound from the struggled raspy breaths of his daughter as she lie there, frozen in time. “Sam?” 

 

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” A voice spoke softly sending William to his feet and turning to face the figure. There at the end of the bed stood a woman in a red dress, wavy black hair that ran just past her shoulders, just like Sam’s. The only color in a room of grey.

 

“N-Nat?” He pursed his eyebrows together and leaned in to see if his eyes were truly playing tricks on him.

 

“I’ve missed you, Will.” She said with a smile taking form across her face.

 

Not a second later Will found himself with no distance between the two as he brought her into the tightest hug he could muster without bringing her pain. “I missed you too, Nat. Oh God, I missed you.” 

 

“Okay, okay, take it easy, big guy.” Natalie said with a laugh and started patting Will on the back to motivate him to let her go, to which he reluctantly relented. The two stood there face to face, Will standing a finger length above her and still coming off his mountain of excitement as she turned to face her daughter frozen in bed. “Look at her, Will..”

 

For a second he forgot about her laying in bed. He forgot about everything that had happened, and he wished he could live in that moment forever. But he was back, and he knew this was his life now. Their life now. “She was going to ask me again.. Ask me to…”

 

“Let her die?” Nat finished for him. “Look at her.. She can’t move anything below her neck, Will.. Every breath is like a knife digging through her lungs.. It wouldn’t be killing her, Will..” She said in a somber tone, “It would be doing her a favor… Giving her peace..”

 

“I can’t..” He spoke, his words barely audible and his voice cracking as he softly shook his head.

 

“No.. You’re the only one that can, Will.” Her arm wrapped around his waist as she took the first step with him toward the edge of Sam’s bed. “She doesn’t want to live like this.. And you don’t want her to live like this either..”

 

“I just want her to live..” He took another step and a tear rolled down his cheek but was no longer met with a hand to wipe it away.

 

“This isn’t living.. You’d want the same thing if it were you.” 

 

“She’s stronger than I am..”

 

“She’s only still here because it's what you want..” The two take another step.

 

“I can’t.. I can’t lose her like I lost you..”

 

“She’ll finally be happy.” Nat said as she and Will finally stood at the edge of her bedside just inches from the machine that would pump morphine into Sam’s body with the push of a button. With the hand not held around her husband, Nat takes Will’s hand in his own and guides it to a dial that would determine the amount of morphine given with each press, and the two turn it as far as it would go. Next they picked up the button that would put her to sleep. What felt like an hour went by before Nat spoke out one last time, “She’ll finally get to see mommy,” and pressed the button in.

 

“Dad…” Sam let out softly as color flooded back into the room, with William standing there all by himself. “Thank you..” She said with a smile that he hadn’t seen for as long as he had given one, and closed her eyes.

 

He dropped the button and leaned forward against the bed, wrapping his arms around his daughter before the room seemed to fall apart before him. Everything folded in upon itself until there was nothing but darkness. Darkness and the deafening sound of cheering. 

 

“CONGRATULATIONS, WILLIAM!”

 

 

---

 

Nobody spoke on the car ride home. He didn’t feel 25 million dollars richer. The money didn’t matter to him. Not anymore. Once they pulled into the driveway Will told his brother to get out just so he could sit and be alone before heading inside. He remained for thirty minutes. Then an hour. Then two, before Matt came back and knocked on the window. “Sam’s up. She wants to know where you are.” Sparing just a few more breaths, William got out of the car and made his way into the house, pausing just steps from Sam’s bedroom door where he stood for a few more seconds to build up the courage, then he walked in. 

 

“Hey, sweetheart..”