journal: Fawn

Dream log: I just had this terrible dream. For some reason, my
brother was going to marry Fawn. And Fawn wasn't really into my older
brother, at least at first. They were going to get married and for some
weird reason we were going to go pick up Cecelia's mom. I don't really
remember her name, Joyce I think. But I was in a seperate car and I got
separated. We were in Portland. But, in my weird way, I found my way
back to the Hotel like I usually do. It was about 3:00 am. My Grandma,
who passed away years ago, was still awake. I confided in her that I
had this feeling that I should be marrying Fawn. I told her that I
could let Fawn go if I felt she was into my brother but I didn't think
she was. We discussed the fact that I had a mental disease. And I
realized that my mind is so much more impaired than Jeremy's is.

Now, I'm not generally recognized as having a mental disorder. I'm not
quite sure what to think of this dream, just like I don't know what to
think about my relationship with Fawn. Was I the problem? My parents
don't think so. And in some ways I have been doing better since I broke
up with Fawn. When I was with Fawn, I just felt enslaved. All I wanted
was to be free. But now I'm free and I'm just lonely.