Plonker Goes

P IS FOR PRESS STATEMENT

PLONKER GOES

For immediate Relief

Campus radio stations throughout the UK were agog with indifference
this week as news of a top sacking filtered through the network. Roger
Hill, 15, was ousted from his post as Programme Controller, SRN, by his
new boss Linda McCarty.

The fiery red-headed Station Manager was unwilling to talk at length
about the reasons for Hail's departure but she did say, "Roger was here
in the embryonic phase of SRN. Now it's The Network and life and art
have moved on". Insiders say the diminutive ex-Programme Controller was
shown the door because of a fundamental lack of understanding of
anything whatsoever to do with radio.

Management were tight-lipped at the bustling new media headquarters of
MiraBiliS (MBS). CEO Dan Mules was "unavailable for comment" according
to Ms Shola Fanny, who then told the whole story.

MD. Stephen Gradnier, said, "Never in my 96 years in radio have I met
such a....." Mr Gradnier was later put down for a rest behind a screen
by two nurses with a gas tank and a large syringe.

Roger "Embryo" Hill settled into his new employment at the formerly
burgeoning promotions and advertising studio, BBDP, claiming to anyone
in student radio who would still give him the time of day that he was
"... now in charge as Head of Music, proprietor and CEO". Meanwhile,
dark rumours began circulating in the City.

Word was that an elfin-like former partner of the EC2 law practice,
Hammond Soap Suddards, was seen in Bayswater Road restaurants with arms
dealers, trying to stockpile napalm and Claymore anti-personnel mines.
MBS Proprietor, Christ Parkinson-Slaw, laughed off suggestions that
he'd told his partner, Mules, that if the current surveillance on him
were not so tight he would "... gladly tie a car axle to Hails nuts and
chuck him in the Thames.

[Eds - please check last para. Lawyers are flying all over frigging
town on this one.]

Parkinson-Slaw, when reached in the Cayman Islands, said through
gritted teeth, "Just once, very clearly, I say this: I'll sue you into
oblivion if you use that stuff".

A poll of student radio stations conducted this week found that 81 percent of them either agreed with or had no opinion about Hill's
sacking. Researcher, Henry Victor, said 54 percent of stations couldn't
spell Hail and the rest thought he was less important a topic than the
rhythm bed under the news.

Hill, who has now built tank traps around his Finchley home, shouted
disjointed and garbled threats against some of his former colleagues to
waiting reporters from a first floor window of his house. Eventually, a
buxom woman, said to be "consoling Mr Hail in a difficult time", drew
him gently back inside and closed the window.

Both Parkinson-Slaw and Mules are now changing the name of their
company again in the hope that Hail will be unable to find them in the
phone book.

End.