Session 10b - Reasons to get married

Transcription of session 10b – Why people get married. Interview conducted by Miss Sleeping Beauty. Interviewee: Mrs Maria Von Trapp

Silence.

Sleeping Beauty (SB):  “Wow!”

Mrs Maria Von Trapp (MVT):  “With all due respect Miss Beauty, I wouldn’t ever, not for anything in all of the worlds or Universe, give up those moments of struggle that led me to the insights that I have held in my Soul as my truth ever since. I advocate struggle and trials; because they bring you closer to truth, to Love and to understanding that we are all simply little characters in a VERY big story being created by a far greater power than any of us can imagine or even attempt to get our minds around. The reason my marriage has been an incredible success that has touched the hearts of thousands is because I married God first. In my opinion, there is no other way to go about it. God first and then the rest will work.” 

SB: “Mrs Von Trapp, er, Maria, I, I, I’m speechless at your conviction for believing in marriage. Your faithfulness and belief in truth and Love is beyond anything I’ve encountered before, beyond anything I have experienced…”

MVT: “Miss Beauty, maybe it is not possible for you, or anyone for that matter, to know the Love I know, to experience the incredible truth of how miraculous living is, and how all encompassing and magical love is, until you know God through Jesus Christ or whichever role model you choose. At the moment it hurts my heart, maybe as much as it hurts God’s heart, as I cry tears of desperation at the thousands of Souls wondering around who do not choose God, Jesus and the way the truth and the light, and thus, in my opinion, don’t choose Love in the unbelievable way it is meant to be experienced, in their Souls.

I feel within me that they are missing out on something so beyond incredible, by their own choice. So now I ache in my heart for them the same way my heart ached to be with my Captain when I couldn’t. People are literally living in hell daily and they know no different, they just accept it. It’s a tragedy, a tragedy worse than all of Shakespeare’s tragedies combined, and the frustration of knowing this and being only one person who can’t shake everyone into choosing perfect Love is enough to drive me insane. I truly believe that God is the only being stopping me from running around kicking some sense into every being in all of our worlds! Still, chuckle, I don’t think God wants me arrested, although I’m sure I could sing in those dungeons just like Paul and Silas did in Acts!”

SB: “I must admit, it would be wonderful to have you sing in a prison, or hospital, or wherever, you are so very talented. Your passion and belief is wonderful Maria. It really is. Maybe I haven’t found the light you have, but maybe my journey is leading me there. I would like to hope so... Still it seems that this status leaves mortals, the ones who don’t have forever to realise God’s Love, floundering to get by and so many of them do not want to marry, they don’t believe in marriage anymore, are avoiding the pain of love (your suffering is one example, Shakespeare’s stories are others) and/or the fear of failure, living day to day wondering why should they get married. Could you advise them on why, even if they don’t have God and His incredible Love first in their lives, why should they get married?”

MVT: “I get their fear, I felt it in abundance when I returned to the Von Trapp home in Austria, I miss that house so much, it was bombed and destroyed by the Allies when they were getting rid of the Nazi’s who had based themselves there. I’ve lived a blessed life in God’s presence, I have put God first, God has never let me down, so I’m not really in a position to advise those who don’t have God as a priority on how to make their marriage work, or why to get married, because there is no point to getting married really. If you aren’t replicating God’s awesome love, then why bother? Surely it would be better to simply stay single than be tortured by living in ‘fabricated’ and/or ‘the illusion’ of love? Wouldn’t their souls be telling them that their marriage is not what they expected? Not what they dreamed of? God promises that dreams come true, so surely that would include the dreams of being loved completely? Another reason I’m not really in a position to comment is because I don’t think it is possible to control anything or force anyone to be and/or do what you want… so many people enter marriage thinking they can ‘change’ the habits of the other person…

Still, I can offer you what I have been told, as from our wedding, through to our honeymoon and our crossing the border to live in Switzerland I have met many people and heard many stories. I have listened to the reasons people have created to get married (we are all creating our realities all the time, what we believe, is) and not to get married. So, my only way to answer your question is to repeat what others have said, and even though the reasons are fair enough, they aren’t the real reason for marriage for me, so I’d simply like that clause, or proviso, or whatever, to be in your research.

I believe the real reason for marriage is to have a physically manifested creation here on earth of a replica, as much as is possible for those living in a crazy and lost world, of the Love God has for us. For me, we get married to live a journey of faith, trust, perseverance, kindness, honesty, truth, communication, hope, patience, loyalty and all of the aspects of God and goodness that we have been given by Grace. That’s what I believe, but if you haven’t told God that you want Him in charge and you only desire everything that is awesome through His strength, then I guess you have to have a different reason for getting married.

Maybe you get married because you want someone to witness your life. Being in a marriage is a way of having someone living your journey alongside you and affirming that you were here, you were on this planet. This is especially important if you aren’t living a spiritual existence (that would automatically put you into an eternal story). You need someone to be a witness for your short time on planet earth. Someone to confirm that you did whatever it is/was that you did on earth whilst you were here. One lady told me that she got married and walked down the aisle because she wanted recognition; she wanted everyone to know that she and her husband were in their marriage for the “long haul”. I kept quiet; the very mind set of ‘in it for a long haul’ was enough to drive me into depression. Imagine thinking your life a ‘long haul’ to prove to everyone on earth (what makes ‘them’ so important that you would have to prove anything to ‘them’ anyway? I have no idea), that they could ‘do it’… Yes, well, that was her reason and she was very convicted in her belief that it was a great reason to get married; she and her husband have a ‘long haul’ contract.

A second reason I once heard was from a lady who found hope in her second marriage. Her first marriage didn’t work, but the second one, where her husband sadly passed away (we were at the funeral as he was in the military with my Captain). She said that on the death certificate she’d had to sign it asked for the name of the ‘informant’, which was her because he died of a heart attack at home. After writing her name as the ‘informant’ she had to write her ‘qualification’ and thus she officially became ‘the widow of the deceased who was present at death’ and she said that was as it should be, as they both wanted it to be. Mrs Fenwick said that “My conclusion is that marriage is everything and nothing. You don’t get a choice about being born or dying – but you do get a choice about marriage. And it is worth celebrating, making a fuss, telling the world, demanding and giving respect, and admitting if it’s not working. It doesn’t have to cost a lot – I’ve never had an engagement ring – but a happy marriage is joy and riches beyond compare, and even after death has parted us, I’m telling you it was worth it.”

Thirdly, I’ve come across the response that marriage is needed in order to confirm commitment. “If there is no ring and contract then how can you be sure as a ‘partner’ that your other half really desires to be there forever if s/he hasn’t stood up and said so?” You can’t. So marriage is a confirmation of the truth in your heart to make a big deal and say, look, by deed and word I love you and I’m signing on the dotted line to let you know that I am serious and we are going to make this journey together.

All of the reasons are fair enough, as I said, all of them, especially if both sides of the couple are in agreement, they can use them for the foundational truth of their unity and the couple can most certainly be together until death do them part...and there I pause as I have had a realisation… without God that is literally it: death shall you part…”

SB: “Indeed, it is a thought to think about. Sadly, I think some couples are very happy about that phrase as they are so miserable in their marriages.”

MVT: “True, and what a pity that is. I’d advise that they read “The Five Love Languages” by Chapman, it is an incredible book with such truth and would open up their lives to desire love and happiness ever after.”

SB: “It sounds interesting; could you give me a brief run down?”

MVT: “Sure, the theory is that we each speak a primary Love Language and some may speak more than one. It has nothing to do with conversation and everything to do with how you interact with other human beings. My love language is ‘acts of service’. The Captain’s love language is ‘one-on-one time’. Frederick speaks his love with ‘words’, Greta uses ‘touch’, which is why she hugs me so much, and Martha has the language of ‘gifts’; so even though she brought a frog up to my room my first night in the house with the thunderstorm, she was actually telling me she loved me, which is quite special.

I can explain with a personal example on the clashes of language from my experience. You see the problem is in the miscommunication, for example Frederick felt that no-one loved him because no-one wrote him notes or praised him with words. All his siblings have different love languages, so when Greta went to hug him he got annoyed instead of realising she was hugging him because she was trying to show him she loved him. Martha would bring him a flower or some chocolate every now and then and he would shout at her telling her he wasn’t a girl and didn’t need presents, she was mortally offended because her love was rejected, but Frederick never realised she was hurt as he was also hurt because ‘no-one loved him’ with words.

I eventually sat down with them all and explained how love works. Frederick started to say thank-you for his hugs and gifts and the girls started to write him cards and now they send him text and WatsApp messages regularly. He often sends them little gifts in the mail and makes sure that he visits Greta in person as often as he can. Once they all understood that there was incredible love between them, but they were simply showing it in different ways, the love and happiness amongst them escalated beyond my greatest requests in prayer from when the challenges first arose. It has been beautiful.

I have also finally, through much love and patience and one-on-one time with my husband managed to explain to him and show him that he needs to bless me with acts of service, like breakfast in bed and helping me with the children, and since that hiccough was resolved, after a couple of years (some men are just challenging like that) it has been even more magical than I had prayed and sung for on my mountain as I listened to the Sound of Music up there. So very blessed!”

SB: “That is fascinating. I can absolutely apply it to some of my patients and their marriage troubles. I’m definitely going to get hold of that book and use it in my counseling. Thank-you for sharing.”

MVT: “Thank-you for listening and for your patience and not judging me for my strong convictions when it comes to my faith. I really do appreciate it.”

SB: “My pleasure, believe me, I’m all for everyone stepping up and being who they have been created to be and speaking their truth in all honesty. It’s so refreshing to meet those who are honest and not afraid of it. It has been enlightening and inspiring to have interviewed you Maria. You are amazing, and your story is one of my personal favourites. Heh heh, I guess your story is one of my favourite things!”

MVT: “Ahh, bless you! Well when the dog bites, or the bee stings or you’re feeling sad, then please remember my story in the Abbey and how much God LOVES you Miss Beauty, He really does.”

SB: “Amen, Maria, Amen!”

Adapted from the article “10 habits of the happily married” by L. Robertson