Imperceptible
By shoe
Sun, 22 Aug 2010
- 3819 reads
16 comments
The short grass is damp
beneath my knees,
The early sun casts my shadow
across your name.
If you were here
we'd walk among the stones,
Imagining the people
and you'd make up outrageous
stories to make me laugh,
like you used to.
Mum and Dad are fine,
competing to see
who suffers the most,
I'm not even in the line up.
You will always be
young, beautiful, brave;
Will never have to come home
burdened with disappointment
instead of a child
or a suitable young lady
or the right wine.
The sun climbs, imperceptibly,
My shadow shortens
moves away from you,
It seems such a simple thing.
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Comments
Really touching and very
Permalink Submitted by darkenwolf on
Really touching and very well written; i like this one a lot - if it's real life you're brave to have put it down.
;)
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You capture the atmosphere
Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on
You capture the atmosphere of love and loss beautifully, Shirley! Especially love the first and last stanza, well done :)
Magic xxx
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This is so beautiful shoe! I
This is so beautiful shoe! I really enjoyed, I really like the last stanza too. Especially the last line, its such a poignant image :)
Beeme xx
k.
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really good piece shoe!
Permalink Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
really good piece shoe!
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Quietly moving. Like it
Permalink Submitted by Steve Button on
Quietly moving. Like it
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really like this one shoe,
really like this one shoe, its beautiful! K xx
"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "
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Touching and beautiful. Hit
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Touching and beautiful. Hit home.
Tina
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new Shoe Well done, on the
Permalink Submitted by Cavalcader on
new Shoe
Well done, on the cherry!
Really enjoyed all of it.
Full of emotion and images.
The stanza
The sun climbs imperceptibly,
My shadow shortens
moves away from you,
it seems is a simple thing
Great I'll have to look up
the word imperceptibly new one to me.
julie xx
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This is just lovely, shoe.
Permalink Submitted by RachelPatricia on
This is just lovely, shoe. I agree - final stanza is a corker :)
Well done on the cherry,
Rachel xx
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