Innocence Lost

By skinner_jennifer

Sun, 20 Dec 2015
  • 3032 reads
14 comments
 

Solitary

Mother

gazes out

across

grim

terrain,

a

landmark

languishing;

tolerance

no

longer

abiding,

 

 

exhausted

she's

perplexed...

as

midday

sun rages

down on

the

prostrate

corpse

of

her mate...

his

soul spirited

away

to

some unknown

paradise,

 

sad tears

sting...

trickling

down

her muddied cheeks,

 

as her

son concealed

behind

his

camouflage

takes flight;

no

comrade by

his side,

the only

protection –

a

pointed finger

ready

to compress,

compelled

by

the compulsory

fear

of his elders,

barely

out of nappies

he'll

cradle his

charge,

as

winding

a

way through

an

enclave of perilous –

bloody terror.

Certificate 15
Poem
Poems
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by VeraClark on

 This is very moving and the structure works beautifully.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Many thanks Vera,

I'm glad you liked the structure, I wasn't too sure about it at first, but now glad I left it this way.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Jenny

I like the structure too, and the meaning comes across well.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by catherine poarch on

The structure adds to the starkness and bleakness. The child's pointed finger sort of sums up the vulnerabilty and it is a vivid picture.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Jenny.

The unimaginable came across in this. 

Bee

Submitted by EB on

I agree on the structure adding power to the content. It's like a growing list of terrors. Not sure about watery tears. Just tears would do as they are made of water - that's understood. But a moving read.

Submitted by hilary west on

This is something new for you, Jenny. I too liked the structure, it added to the drama of the piece.

Best Wishes,

HW

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Jean,

glad the structure worked for you and many thanks for letting me know.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Thanks for reading Catherine,

It was a poem on a subject that was on my mind, just had to get it down.

Thanks also for letting me know.

Jenny.

 

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Bee,

yes...you are so right, it is unimaginable. I can't begin to understand what living in so much fear is like.

Thank you for letting me know your thoughts.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Thank you for your thoughts EB,

You're right about the watery tears, I shall put right straight away. Glad you liked the structure too.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Hilary,

it saddened me to imagine what the future is like for the next generation, for those living in such danger. Being on my mind I needed to get it down in a poem.

Thank you for reading and your thoughts, always appreciated.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Jenny, is the finger ready to compress, the indication that he's been nurtured in ready use of the gun from infancy? Rhiannon

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Many thanks for reading Rhiannnon, a very big YES! In answer to your question, it saddens me to hear that they train children so young, shaping them for such atrocity. I could not use the actual word, having such a fear of even saying it. My heart goes out to them.

And many thanks for letting me know your thoughts.

Hope you have a wonderful, Christmas and a Peaceful New Year.

Jenny.