Hobo Turntable

I have no story to tell how I got here if I did it would be mostly fiction to make things more interesting. I didn’t hail from a broken home, I’ve never taken drugs I don’t drink and I’ve never been in jail. Actually that last bit is a lie I have been in police cells overnight when the police have picked me up sleeping in parks or dark alleys. I guess I look guilty. The police never tire of presenting their look of disappointment that I don’t fit the portrait of a homeless person. I am never rude when arrested and always say thank you when they release me in the morning. They are doing their job some do it with politeness others do it with vengeance. I never beg on the streets if I need money I offer to draw pictures of people and thank them for purchasing. I charge £2 and it usually takes me 10 minutes to do a quick but relatively detailed image and I figure that £12 an hour is a better rate than a lot of people working 40 hours just to be a hairline away from my kind of life.

I eat well lots of fruit lentils vegetables. I have an old camping stove that I keep in a safe place and I usually cook tea around 8pm in summer and 6pm in the winter. I keep fit because I spend most days walking and watching. Sometimes I get involved in conversations with complete strangers some of whom I’m sure would be friends if I hung around long enough in the same place. I like to move around the country I usually stay no more than three months in one place at any time. The north of the country is friendlier than the south I don’t know why but it just is.  I get asked a lot of questions and I always try and answer them as concisely as I can. I learnt this trick from an old man I met on the streets who was a chronic alcoholic who could finish the crossword in The Times in minutes. I’m not a crossword man but I’ve been told this is an impressive feat.

I can still see his face ‘call me Gerald at your peril’ was his introduction so it was Ged from that moment on. He said to me one cold night under a spying moon ‘don’t get into conversations with people who want to know you’re fucking history because that’s the stick they’ll beat you with. Be short maybe make up a quote they can take away with them, something that’s meaningful and pricks their conscience’ I was admiring these words when Ged interrupted ‘mind you if you’re having a bad day just tell them to fuck off’ this still makes me laugh. Ged was a big man despite a body trying to surrender I used to wince watching him drink a bottle of spirits like a young kid drinking squash after exercise. I heard several weeks ago from another man of the road that Ged had died quietly in his sleep by the banks of the River Thames. His body is still in the morgue because he has no family and the paupers graves in the cemetery are full.

I try to keep myself clean this has its disadvantages because passers-by sometimes think I’m pretending to be homeless and other homeless folk think I’m a journalist writing for a shit right wing rag that will demonise them and their lives. I seem to spend a lot of my time explaining. I get asked by a lot of people why am I homeless and my responses vary according to the mood I’m in which is never an angry one I don’t get angry I think offering fuel to those that want to set you on fire isn’t a wise move.

I often think if I could give a definitive answer to anyone but I think it’s too difficult. I opted out of life from a young age it felt the most natural thing to do. I had worked for several years and saved most of my money, I still have some of it left for emergencies. I pad tax for years then realised that paying tax was the governments’ way of making sure politicians didn’t have to. I watched the price of everything spiral forcing people into lending from financiers who made a lot of money and pushed a lot of people onto debt. I find people with a lot of money who like people with little money to know what it’s like to have a lot of money are the ugliest beings on the planet. This view seems to be a minority one but maybe others think like me but are too tied to a job they can’t leave paying for a house they can’t afford to live a life they have to endure more than enjoy. I could be wrong, I’ve seen what money can do to people and I’ve seen what no money can do to people and I’ve seen that no one in politics gives a fuck about the lives of the poor.

I see us all on a turntable stuck in a groove laughing at the irony of revolutions per minute that never happen. So I got off knowing I’ll never be the kind of human being that walks out of a plush office in the heart of a city to kick a homeless person in the face for not accepting a drink.

‘ Life is a nappy, it takes the piss and is full of shit’

Thanks Ged

©JMcN2014