My Brand New Mobile Phone

My brand new mobile phone.

The Fuckberry Tosspot Turbo

•5 mega pixies who live inside the unit making sure everything works
•Mobile email – helping you to crash your car and walk into lampposts
•Diary to keep blank given the sadness of one’s life
•Calendar – just in case you’ve been moved to a different galaxy in your sleep
•GPRS – So you know where to put your right leg when you move
•Alarm Clock –you can look at on your way to work
•Blink Screen – no need to touch anything
•A thousand ring tones – Life is too long
•Big Giant Memory – to remember the tiny things one does
•Camera that takes pictures of women/men when you’re not looking
•On tap legal advice centre (see above point)
•A database to store the names of friends you don’t have
•Internet Access – eventually
•Social Networking ‘cocoon your life’ ™ - facility
•Smurf Eating Application – Bluetooth
•MP3 player playing all the sad songs you know
•Available in Black or Red or Envy Green

For an Extra £100 per month I can have;

•A pre bowel emptying vibrate message
•Too drunk to have sex voicetone reminder
•Text rejection facility when writing cheese
•Reality Games like boxing where you get punched for being so sad
•Gun facility so you can shoot yourself
•Transformable dildo shaper for a variety of uses
•Lots of numbers and letters to press
•On board recorder with night before bullshit playback facility
•Help Centre for when you just get too close to your phone

Watch out for our slick advert of young trendy people wearing expensive clothes driving fast cars who have used the ‘make me beautiful app’ * coming to a screen near you soon.

The Fuckberry Tosspot Turbo – you’d be lost and lonely without us.

It’s the must have gift for life

terms and conditions;

*only available to previewed people aged between 17-24 who are reasonably fit in the first place. All other users see our www.uglyphonesforuglybastards.com web site.

Prices vary but are deliberately expensive because we know you don’t care and peer pressure will ensure your purchase.

©SJ2009