three trick pony

act one
in the beginning was the word and the word was cod

act two
our hero stands silhouetted against a raging storm sky arms aloft wielding the one true sword the saviour of a nation handsome beyond credit with witless maidens swooning at his feet he shouts creative defiance at the enemy of his people arrayed in crackling dark magic and a fetching black cloak

act three
disaster strikes as our hero is momentarily distracted by his own reflection in the limpid eyes of a particularly attractive maiden and the enemy attacks with deadly if inaccurate force decapitating three of the women and depositing the pretty boy on his tight buttocks sans sword but with a stupid gurning expression on his face

act four
fortunately one of the less witless maidens has had the presence of mind to disentangle herself from the general swooning she creeps up behind the black foe and savagely garrottes him with cheese wire to almost universal rejoicing

act five
in a conventional narrative our heroine and hero would marry and live happily ever after but she is too clever and sensitive and so pursues a career in conceptual art while he is too flighty and violent and sticks to the tried and trusted booze broads and swords light years from a renaissance man but definitely a three trick pony

act six
curtains fall cymbals crash and the audience spontaneously combust in a frenzy of nihilistic self affirmation

act seven
all things must pass there is peace at last