Gambler 3

I get back to the hotel at 3:00 A.M. I open the door as quietly as possible and head straight to my bed. I want to sleep. The lights turn on. She's got a frown on her face and she is walking around the bed, stamping her feet. "I just met a few friends." She's fuming a bit. She wants more. "I really can't talk about it. I really need some sleep." She grabs the blanket and walks out the door with it. I don't know what to do. It's rather cold and we live in a cheap hotel. Should I go say something to her? What though? I just want to live my life and not disturb anybody. I don't even know why I took her in. She's not that special. Around and around I go into a sea of problems. Yes. I should speak to her. "I'm sorry." She wants more. "I'm sorry for not telling you where I was fucking going." Does this make any sense? I'm sorry to a 16 year old for leaving her alone? She kisses my knees. It's rather touching. There is something slightly spiritual about her once in a while. She displays the peace sign with her fingers. "So what do you want to know?" She spells out Nirvana on the blanket. "Nirvana," as Joseph Campbell says, "is a psychological state in which your soul is beyond fear and desire." That's not what she wants. "Ok, just listen to yourself. Shut off all the music and don't go anywhere. Just listen to your interior monologue. You don't have to meditate or anything. Just listen to what you are saying to yourself." She nods. I just don't understand American girls or women. How can you know anything about yourself when you are constantly reacting to the environment or shutting out your inner self by inundating yourself with media or spoken words? Meanwhile, I go back to my room and read the newspaper. Soon I fall asleep. "You are EVIL. I don't like you. That's what I am saying on the INSIDE," she is speaking to me. She is waking me up with her words. "Congrathefuckulations!" I snap. "Is that all you have to say, you fucking RACIST!" "Oh, you've learned some SAT words." "Stop your fucking SARCASM." She smiles triumphantly. I'm actually starting to respect her a little. So she does have a mind. Typical American mind. Always fighting the wrong battles and losing the war. "So what do you want, A REWARD?" I ask her. She disappears. She's going out. She puts her makeup on. She takes my money. She's fucking liberated!