July 17th, 2013

It's been 5 or 6 days since my last drink. Sometimes, I really crave a drink. Especially during the early afternoon hours and the early evening hours. Drinking was the only thing I really liked to do. I liked the way it transformed my consciousness, made me feel tipsy or slightly drunk. It's true I'd only have two or three drinks, but alcohol made me feel alive.

I feel much better now that I've stopped drinking. There is more energy in my body. I do not feel easily tired.

I woke up at around 7:30. I took my kids to Art Camp at the Currier Museum.

I love my kids Daniel and Samuel but I love Daniel more.

After Art Camp, I took my kids to the Library for a storytelling event. When I approached the librarian in the children's section, she told me my kids were on the waitlist for the event. She told me that only 24 kids could go to the event. I waited until all the kids who signed up arrived. Then I asked her if some kids had not come. There was space and Daniel and Samuel were allowed in.

By the way, Samuel is 5 years old and Daniel is 7 years old. He just turned 7 on July 13.

Stopped by to see my Dad. He lives 5 minutes away from me. Actually, I asked him if he could take care of the kids for 30 minutes. He agreed. He agrees most of the time. I felt guilty for asking him to take care of my kids so I came back after 15 minutes. I tried to talk to him, but he doesn't say much. My mother tells him what to do often, asks him to do this task and that. When he does speak, he often speaks about eating healthy or about how South Korea is a fucked up country and how America is so great. I think he is very naïve about America. As for South Korea, I agree that it's fucked up but it's a country with volcanic energy in which the individuals use all that is within them when working, not just their reason.

Anyway, he's in his seventies. But sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. I tell him that I will walk with him in the morning, but will I? I am so lazy and unmotivated.