Just a grammatical ornament 1

i got to tell you that i'm nothing important. i mean, i'm just a grammatical thing. the great thing is i can change from being a (.) to a (!) within seconds. My facial expression completely changes from an even-lipped "yes" to a looped smile that expresses a sublime happiness as if i had just hit a home run in the world series. Wonderful, isn't it. but the grammatical sign that i most identify with is "(" or ")". either the beginning parenthesis or the ending parenthesis are fine with me. i love either one. i like it because it's a curved door. once i enter a sentence, it's as if a part of it were sealed, closed to the listener somehow, only inviting in those who would understand.

of course, SOMEDAY, i hope to become a word. but that is a hard thing. to be a word, i would need to exist purely in the world. i just don't see that happening. besides, i like the fact that i can change from one grammatical sign to another. it makes me feel like i'm a butterfly or a chameleon. i just don't want to be like the "words." I don't know what i have against the words except that i use them all the time without feeling... truly, madly, deeply... that i am really understanding the meaning. i know, i am just rambling on. don't you feel that way at times though. i don't know what i am saying. OH YES, the parenthesis if you just turn it 90 degrees could be the top of an umbrella and OH YES it could be the sign of the vulva, the female door but i'm not a female. if you put both parentheses together, then it could really be the female symbol. personally, i like the sense of being enclosed, protected, being within a larger thing which i feel very ambivalent about. WHY? There's so much fighting among the words. Which words should one use in this sentence? There are so many words that mean the same thing. grammatical signs, there just aren't that many. most people use a comma when they don't know what to use. but the parenthesis... it's like a whisper or private aside or something to look further into or the source of a quotation. a parenthesis indicates something private, waiting for the right reader... i, as a parethesis, need to push back readers who would not understand what was said within my boundaries. sometimes i need to get rough. they push hard, trying to enter. i let them think that they are entering the text and then, like a rubber band being bent, i release the reader on some previous word like "consensus.' The reader is totally dumbfounded. she then tries to enter through the backdoor. She is then thrown onto a word like "stultify." there's nothing the least bit amusing about these mental acrobatics. I must protect the privacy of the author who might have unconsciously entered a text here which reveals an intimate or traumatic experience. The author must be protected from the critic who is out to destroy the author altogether although some French authors have long ago opted to destroy themselves altogether through the impersonality of their books.