The Pretender

He had no self-esteem and there was a big hole in his heart. He felt especially jealous of his brother when his brother got accepted at Harvard Law School.

He had been going to Harvard Extension school for a while which had an open admission policy. It was the Harvard Night School. He had told his friends that he was going to Harvard. They all were impressed.

He had to tell his friends this lie. It was a form of vengeance for the lies that they had told him, but it also fed his sense of superiority.

He was intensely curious. What exactly is it like to be a Harvard student?

So he began to attend the lectures there that were supposedly open to the public. He had no idea that "Open to the Public" actually meant you can listen to the lecture but keep your mouth shut.

He was curious about Asia so he went to the after-school lectures about Asia. But, my dear reader, he was also bipolar and delusional. He actually had the delusion that he was actually Japanese. His parents were Japanese, he imagined. He wasn't really Korean.

I know this sounds a bit ridiculous, but it's actually true.

As he was listening to the lecture about Japan, he looked around at the serious Harvard students and tried to copy their expressions. He understood some of what was being said but was not sure about the rest. He wondered about what question to ask the lecturer. He began to look around again and before he knew it, the lecture was over. He raised his hand. The Japanese lecturer picked him to ask a question. He asked a question about Japanese imperialism. Why couldn't Japan pay back Korea for the all the abuses that they inflicted on Korea during the colonization of Korea. He didn't exactly ask the question in those terms, but that was the gist of the question. The lecturer and smiled and then talked about something else. After the lecture, the lecturer was very nice and cordial to him.

He really liked pretending to be a Harvard Student. It was really fun. People seemed to respect him and he could say what was on his mind. He had no idea how strong a force "political correctness" was which gave mediocre people exaggerated ideas about themselves. He also had no idea that he was asking "politically incorrect" questions.

As of now, he felt very proud of himself.

He began to attend more of such lectures. In one lecture, a Chinese lecturer talked about "Strategic Partnership" in such general terms that he had no idea what the person was trying to get at. There was a Professor from the Chinese Studies Department who looked like Einstein. He really admired this professor. Something about his smile expressed a gentle, compassionate nature.

As unbelievable as it may sound, he also believed that he was the incarnation of the Buddha and here he sided with Tibet. He did not like the strategic partnership with China since China had committed a holocaust on Tibet. He listened to the Professor with an eager ear. The lecturer, like the previous Japanese lecturer, completely evaded the question. He never addressed the meaning of the term, "Strategic Partnership."

Only years later did he understand the term "Strategic Partnership." It meant that if China loaned the US money to partially finance its programs, the US would do nothing about Tibet. And then it occurred to him that US would do nothing about the Japanese abuse of Koreans during its period of colonization. All this occurred to him years later.

After attending a few lectures, he gained some notice among Harvard students. Some women were interested in him. He was very pleased with himself.

He had, however, a furious distrust of women. Or rather, he had a furious distrust of the men who influenced the decisions of women. He met one Australian woman and she was very intelligent and passionate. She sounded British, more than Australian, perhaps to cover up the primitive image of Australia.