Trying to Improve

Why do I enter the same patterns again
AS IF
these patterns defined myself?
I was so lazy, sleeping
to wave after wave off
my problems, feeling a horrible weight
(a stone, a rock, a problem)
drowning into a sea of patterns
of the same, same, same.

Was it time to improve? It would
have made me happier. Why
did I live in this unhappiness
with my problem?
with my problem?

Is change hard because
it cuts away at one's identity,
makes one different?
But it is the difference
that lets happiness in,
lets self-esteem in,
lets in all that one affirms
about oneself?

Like stones, like rocks,
the old patterns are drowning me,
making me a shadow,
not being able to accomplish anything
I need to accomplish.