Highway Part 31

Highway Chapter 18(continued)

Sure enough, he emerged from the trees, looking around. He engaged in conversation with Julian for a moment. I sat up, crossing my arms over my knees and laying on them. I could feel him look at me, then back at Julian. After another talk, he started to walk up the hill, looking slightly irritated.

“Hey,” he called. 

“Hi,” I responded.

I was going to say as little as possible. He was going to have to break down this last barrier, and I was going to give him a fight. If he made it, it meant he really cared. He asked me if the seat next to me was taken, and I said no. I told him that life was crazy, and that it didn’t make sense. He agreed.

After a pause, I presented a question. Did he have a teacher? Someone that was like he was to me? I wanted to know if it was normal. Was I strange for caring so much about Matt?

To my surprise, he said he did. He had never spoken about him before, and I wondered why. I asked him about his teacher. What was he like? How did they meet? I had the thought that perhaps it was Julian. As I asked, I realized that I was prying.

He had never put his nose where it hadn’t belonged, and I worried I had. He laughed at the idea of Julian as his teacher, saying they would kill each other.

Soon, though, he had delved into his past, telling me the story. He warned me that he hadn't been the best guy in the world, and I listened attentively. I didn’t imagine him being in any sort of trouble so it was interesting to listen. He told me of his past, and how his parents died. It struck a chord with me, for it was something we shared. I didn’t actually know what happened to my father, but I tried not to think about it. He told me how they met, and how he wasn’t alive anymore.

I apologized, feeling his loss. I didn’t ask him how he died because I didn’t want to push him. He respected my privacy, so I would respect his. He had gained my attention now, despite my attempts to stay partially withdrawn. He asked me if I wanted to know about his death, and I jumped. I told him he could if he wanted, but that he didn’t have to. I was worried I had forced him into a situation where he felt he had to tell me.

My nervousness must have shown, for he smiled softly at me. Catching me off guard, he ruffled my hair affectionately, only to receive grumbles. I wondered why I let him get away with things like that. He looked unsure and sad. This was not a good story. Thinking of the time I had leaned on my brother’s knee when he was upset, I moved to do the same to Matt, showing him I was ready to listen. The only example of how to show I cared was with my brother, so I would do some similar things.

As he told the story of his teacher, I felt my heart begin to ache. I could see the story as if I was there, imagining a younger Matt leaning over his teacher. There were startling similarities between our stories. As I listened, I could see the pain in his eyes. They looked as if it was raining inside, a flash flood of emotion. Without understanding why, I began to cry. As he had done for me last night, I cried for him.

Why does life cause such cruel things to happen? Why is it that just when we’ve gotten back on our feet, when we finally feel safe, it washes it all away? When he finished, he was surprised to see me crying. He told me that it was okay, that it had happened a long time ago. I gave him a hug anyway, holding him tight. He buried his face in my hair, hugging me back.

After a moment he pulled away. He told me the point of the story was to not blame yourself. He had brought on the bandits, but it wasn’t all his fault. I was still feeling guilty about my brother, but I understood what he was saying. I gave him a small smile, hoping to reassure him I was okay. He gave me one back, before commenting that we should get some sleep.

Julian was asleep, and so I decided to do something silly. Trying to make Matt laugh, I stuck out Ozzie’s head. I made the little octopus wave to him, and he suppressed a chuckle. It was good to see him laugh again, and I was reassured that he was okay. We said our goodnights, settling in. As we snuggled into our respective bags, I thought about love.

I didn’t know if I could love someone again, if it was even possible. Still, I thought to myself, if I was going to love someone it should be him. He never pushed on my barriers, but they just seemed to melt away. I had felt something the first day we met in that bar, and it had only grown since then.

It seemed absurd to love someone in less than a week, but we were unusual people. We didn’t fit the status quo, and that was okay with us. He had already claimed a piece of my heart, the glowing embers. He had made it through today, and had made me feel like I had more control. We knew about each other’s past now, and I felt more balanced on the scale. I figured if I had to love anyone in this world, I couldn’t have picked a better person than Matt.

As I felt my eyes grow heavy, my subconscious promised sweet dreams tonight. My brother and Matt had taken up residence in my dreams now, driving away every shadow. They filled my dreams with light, blazing with brilliance. And just like a fire, the sparks I felt for Matt grew. He had blown on them gently tonight, and they were spreading. They had caught fire on the material around them, and had created a small fire. It burned inside of my heart, warm and bright.

Soon I drifted off to sleep, listening to the fire crackle.

Matt woke me with the sun like he usually did. I battered at him ineffectually, but got up, stretching. He attempted to nudge Julian awake with his boot as I ate a granola bar, but he wouldn’t move. I wondered if I was about to see someone else get dowsed with water.

Suddenly Julian’s hand shot out, grabbing Matt’s ankle and making him fall right on his butt. I burst out laughing, watching him get up with an incredulous look on his face.

We set off on the road, laughing as Matt grumbled. When we stopped for water I pulled Julian aside.

“I just wanted to say that you were right. Don’t ever tell him I said this, but I do love him. Just saying.”

He laughed, throwing his arms around me in another unexpected hug.

“Dude!” I exclaimed, irritated, “Stop hugging me! Haven’t you ever heard of personal space?”

Matt chuckled from behind us, saying, “He hasn’t. Julian would know personal space if it smacked him in the head. But you could try hitting him anyway.”

I pried myself away, laughing at his comment. Julian sulked in the corner, before deciding to give Matt a punch in the arm.

Now pouting, he said, “Why does everyone hurt me all of the time? I don’t see you guys hitting each other.”

We chuckled, and continued walking. This was nice. I had two friends with me, one who I loved and one I respected in at least a tiny way. Despite being a ridiculous guy, Julian was pretty insightful, and I was grateful for him showing me how much I cared about Matt.

We bid our farewells just outside of the town, and I let him hug me one last time, even putting an uncomfortable arm around him.

“Don’t get into trouble now, okay? Don’t let him boss you around. He’s just a wuss. Someone needs to insult him while I’m not around or he will get confident. So tease him a bit.” He said to me.

I gave him a smile and nodded.

“You’ve found someone very special to love, kid. Take care of him, and let him take care of you.”

I gave him a pat on the shoulder, saying, “I know. And I will. Thanks again.”

He went over to Matt and said his goodbyes. Who knew when we would see him again? There was a lot of road in the world. We waved as he left, calling out to be safe.

As we walked into town to look for a motel, I looked up at the sky. Dark clouds were rolling in, ominous and filled with malevolent intentions.

“Those don’t look so good,” I commented to Matt, and he looked up.

“Don’t worry,” he said, “We’ll be inside before anything happens. It’s going to be a lot of rain it looks like, but it shouldn’t last more than a few hours. Do storms bother you?”

I turned away, suddenly feeling childish.

“Well, I’m not too fond of lightning.”

He said, “I’m not too fond of thunder. It doesn’t make me jump, but it isn’t my favorite type of weather.”

We walked on, and I felt a little bit reassured. About the weather, of course, but that it seemed like Matt really didn’t care if I was scared of anything. I could be who I wanted to be with him, and it made me happier than I could ever describe.

We headed back out to town from the motel, Matt speaking with the locals. After he was done, we hung around. We browsed the town for a while, but scurried for cover when it began to rain. We took refuge in our rooms, watching television and talking about animals.

The past few days had been idyllic, and it made me wonder how my life went from sucking to being full of joy. I was watching an old western again, using Matt as a pillow. At first, I had worried it would have been awkward, but he acted like nothing was out of the ordinary.  Matt was telling me how close he thought I was to awakening, that it would be anytime within the next few weeks. I wasn’t really listening, focused on the movie. As it ended, the hero ran off into the sunlight, leaving behind a forlorn lover.

“Hey,” I called, suddenly thinking. “What are we going to do when I awaken? Are we just going to keep going to towns? Maybe I can help you with what you do!”

Matt was silent, and I twisted to look at him.

“Matt?” I asked, wondering what was wrong.

“I…” he trailed off, suddenly quiet.

I looked at him with a frown, concerned and confused.

“I didn’t think you would stay after you had your awakening.” He finally said.

I sat back, bewildered.

“What do you mean? Where else would I go?”

He was scaring me now, and I wondered if his feelings had been true after all.

“I told you already. Drifters don’t stay together. Once you’ve found the way, you go off to find others. Once you awaken it makes more sense.” He tried, attempting to soothe me.

“What is wrong with you? Don’t act like you understand! I thought maybe you did after last night, but it’s clear to me now that you don’t.”

He looked stunned, trying to figure out his course of action.

“If you didn’t want me to be with you, just say so! Don’t blame it on the path. I don’t need you to take pity on me. God knows I’ve had enough of that already.”

I was on my feet now, infuriated. How could he act like this now? Was it something I did? I had thought I loved him, and that he loved me. Had Julian been wrong? He hadn’t seen him in a long time. How could I have been so stupid? I let my feelings get in the way of seeing things. This was just an arrangement. Matt didn’t want to babysit me forever, only until he had seen me safely to the other side. It was his job. I was just another part of his job.

He leaped to defend himself, saying, “It’s not like you can’t come with me! I just didn’t think you would want to! I only said it because nobody has ever stayed before. I’m not trying to shove you away! Don’t think I wanted to get rid of you! I’ve never met a pair of drifters before. It’s not that normal, that's all.”

His words fell on deaf ears. I was livid, but I was also despairing. The little fire in my heart was going out, for it didn’t have any more fuel.

“You don’t want me around, okay? Look, I get it. You’re older, I’m a teenager. We’re too different. Don’t pretend for my sake!”

He tried to say my name, but I interrupted him.

“Stop it! You could at least have the decency to admit it!”

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, my tone becoming progressively more bitter and cold.

“Look, calm down! I don’t know what happened in the past ten minutes with you, but this isn’t getting us anywhere.”

Damn those eyes of his and that calming voice.

“You can’t just expect me to be happy about everything, Matt! Don’t tell me to calm down when you were the one who caused it. First you don’t even want to stay, and then you can’t admit it to me! I was going to tell you I loved you tonight! What was I thinking?”

He stood shocked for a moment, and his eyes softened.

“Oh, Veronica,” he said, reaching for me.

I thought it a sign of pity, and I was through with that. All of my life I have been looked down on, pitied and seen with disdain. No, I thought to myself, I would never let someone do that to me again.

“Don’t you touch me!” I growled at him, springing away from his stretched out arm.

A flash of lighting came through the windows, illuminating our faces. I flinched, the blinding light startling me. I had never done well with thunder storms. I couldn’t stay here anymore, for I could already feel the tears cascade down my cheeks. Life had once again destroyed the only things I loved. Or perhaps it was all me?

Before he could protest, I ran through the door. I didn’t know where I was going; only that it couldn’t be here. I didn’t want to hear his sugary sweet words convince me that it was okay for me to leave. If I couldn’t hear them then I couldn’t be swayed by them.

The storms intensity was picking up. The wind whipped around, blowing in the rest of the clouds. It was raining, but it wasn’t especially heavy. Matt was coming down the stairs as I busted through the door, much to the shock of the employees at the front desk.

“Veronica, wait!” he called, “Let’s work this out! I’m sorry if I was insensitive! Please come back!”

I ran as fast as I could, my legs burning and threatening to buckle under me. If I could lose him, he wouldn’t be able to sense me. I rounded every corner I could, once slipping down an alley. I saw him run by across the street, and sank down once he left.