Bittersweet.

Death... It comes to us in so many different forms and has so many faces it is often hard to even see it until it's too late. And then memories invade of what it felt like to soar above the clouds and tears come pouring forth like fountain ...of never-ending sorrow. What was it that you said to me last? "I will always love you." Memories are sweet but the background is so dark, like looking at a dying flower atop a gone-out fire, where only a few remaining embers are gleaming amidst the ashes.

I sit at the window, staring listlessly at the rain, drops of water land on my face sometimes, mixing with the tears. On my tongue is a bitter-salty taste of happiness long gone. I still remember, though i try to forget, for memories bring nothing but pain. Tears and blood, whispers of love, bodies entwined, gleaming with sweat, love me, kill me, so that i may die in your arms in throes of lust and passion, so that i will exist no more past this moment of selfless giving.

And then the summer came, bearing weaves of heat and warm nights. We loved them so much, walking down the street with no-one else around. We would often pretend that we were the only ones in the world beneath the stars, and it was so easy, all we had to do is look into each other's eyes. Touch of lips, hands caressing, love enveloping us like second skin, binding us into one, a being with a single heart, mind and soul. "I will always love you.".

I've come to hate summers.

I now sit in darkness, music of your voice and laughter echoing through my mind, and stare at the pieces of my broken heart on the floor. They lie among the scotch tape and super-glue, staples and band-aids, needles and tangles of thread. I tried to fix it, honest. But i laugh now pitifully at my futile pathetic attempts to mend something that is so beyond repair. Mice and tiny skeletons run across the floor, dragging dust and dirt behind them, they never learned to wipe their feet. But i don't care anymore, i'll clean it up in the morning.

Buzzing of a fly coming from the corner, where it got caught in the spiderweb. I look at it, struggling, fighting for it's life in vain, as the spider runs towards it, hunger and malice gleaming in it's beady little eyes. I no longer have it in me to end the fly's suffering and prefer to watch it die slowly, as the poison starts coursing through the tiny body, burning it's way through. Searing pain that brings the bliss of death in the end. Will it be the same for me? Will my pain serve as a poison and grant me the gift of oblivion, where i shall float unaware of ever being alive? Will my love for you bring me stillness of mind, so that i may stop the thoughts and memories at last?

For now i wait. And dream of never have been broken.

"I will always love you."

(2012)