Thoughts and feelings

Pressure within me building;
Yielding to this emotion.
In slow motion, actions play out;
No doubt about what I will do.

Thoughts and feelings
Are stealing my mind. Nobody minds
So I align this blade with my skin;
Dig in. The room briefly spins

Red liquid emotion release;
Feelings immediately cease
An instant feeling of relief and a
Brief sense of self belief

Feelings come back, guilt and shame
So, I take aim and cut again
Red liquid hurt exits my body
Bloodily disembodied

Control finally regained
Room stained, but feelings no longer remain, washed down the drain
I am numb
How come I always succumb?