Jesus Was Good...But, He Was No Paul Daniels

Jesus Was Good…But, He Was No Paul Daniels

Come on ladies and gentlemen, you know it to be true
It’s been said, that he cured the leper’s by placing his hand on them.
The lame could walk, the blind could see.
But where’s the evidence? The blind certainly aren’t seeing it. Not
really.

You look on the telly 30 years ago and you saw nothing but evidence
from the great Paul Daniels. His hands were a bloody blur.
Magician extaordinaire.
Amazing.

Jesus had his band of believers and hangers-on.
But, so has David Blaine and Penn and Teller. The difference is…
They tell us that it’s a trick, an illusion. They don’t try to pull the
wool over our eyes with, “It’s a miracle”. No…It’s an illusion. A
simple trick of the mind.

Walking on water.
Dynamo did that the other day.
David bloody Copperfield walked through The Great Wall Of China,
for Christ’s sake.

Sorry about the blasphemy, but, come on. Where were his devoted
followers? Who did he have?
Oh, yeah! Claudia Schiffer.

Come to think of it, Jesus had a bit of a bum deal. Twelve sweaty,
bearded men…Or. One of the most beautiful super models that
has graced this earth. I know which direction I’m leaning towards.
Putting my hands out to my sides, like a metaphorical weighing
scale – Claudia on one side, disciple’s on the other – my hand is
swaying more in favour of dearest Claudia. Then my hands are
involuntarily, at first, then with more gusto, reaching out in front,
grasping at imaginary super model breasts…

Sorry. I seem to have gone off on a tangent. Where were we?
Yes, scales! Lovely Claudia…At no point did my imaginings
wander towards stroking an imaginary beard, pondering on the
catch of the day, as fishermen most probably do. I don’t know.
So, Jesus (not done too well, there) Copperfield (lucky sod).
Who needs a bible, when you’ve got a swimwear calendar?

Anyway.
This just leads us back to the title of this piece.

Jesus Was Good…But He Was No Paul Daniels.