Breaking News

A TV news broadcast, typical of the era, a woman in smart-casual dress and a suited man read the news in front of a bright backdrop. Their names appear to be Susan and John (or very possibly Jon).

(Susan) “And finally some good news for Londoners, with reports that the government has declared an end to the emergency. What’s happened John, does this mean they’ve finally caught the tiger?”

(John) “It sure does Sue, Timmy the tiger has returned to London zoo, along with HER three new tiger cubs.”

Footage of tiger in complain with three cubs, going about their tigerly business

(Susan) “So Timmy’s a mother. That must be a bit of a shock to the zoo authorities.”

(John) “They are a bit embarrassed Sue, though they’re obviously delighted with their three new charges.”

“So what does this mean for the ordinary Londoner, is it safe to return to the city?”

“It certainly is Sue. Earlier today I spoke to the Minister for the escaped tiger crisis and this is what he said.

Footage of a middle-aged man in a suit

“The emergency is over, the tiger has safely been returned to his cage – I should say HER cage – and it is now safe to return to London. All emergency restrictions have been cancelled and I am assured that the tube, rail and bus services will all be running normally as of tomorrow.”

(Sue) “Well I guess I’m going to have to start packing as soon as we’ve finished filming John. I must say I’m looking forward to getting back home, though I will miss Manchester. I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent here.”

(John) “The people of Manchester have certainly been welcoming Sue and I will miss them. And now other news: Penguins have escaped from Bristol zoo, but are fears of a bird flu academic realistic? We talk to a penguinologist, who believes that the birds are essentially harmless, and Matt Huzzar, Chief Executive of Demolish Bristol, who believes that radical measures are needed to protect the public.”