A hundred moments in autism - What about the Infadels?

I am at a writers group.  One of the people at the group is a DJ on local radio and is preparing a show for later in the week. 

“Can anyone think of a band whose name is belied by the title of their record? It’s for a feature.” 

Everyone else looks blankly at him, uncomprehending (it is, frankly, an unusual feature). Not me though, I don’t even have to think about the answer, I was listening to it before I went out that evening.  

At the time I was into the Infadels. I mean, really into the Infadels, my regular readers will recall that I have written no less than three separate stories with the same title as the Infadels song ‘Girl that speaks no words’ (possibly four, I don’t really keep track of these things).   

This is a no-brainer. The Infadels album was called ‘We are not the Infadels’. I have a zinger, the best conceivable answer, and a chance to bring the Infadels to the attention of what was a very small audience, but still.  

“Erm, have you thought about, I suppose, would the Infadels fit.  Because their album, erm, you know, it’s called ‘We are not the Infadels’.” 

I am so lacking in confidence, he basically ignores me.   

I can be confident, but the environment was noisy (I stopped going shortly after this, they were a nice bunch of people, but I couldn’t hear them) and I don’t know the people, I don’t know what they think of me, I don’t want to be thought of as ‘too’ clever and cocky, but I overshoot on the not cocky. 

Of course, many people lack confidence, but with autists like myself, there is a journey we’ve all taken. Because we have totally different communication styles and assumptions, we spend our lives saying the wrong thing, putting our foot in it, and getting bullied and abused as a result. Many like myself end up afraid every time a word leaves their lips, just in case the word goes and does something we weren’t expecting. 

Which is why I love the freedom of the page, of the blank sheet of paper and absolutely no restriction on what I say there.