Levitation lessons

Eleven Lexington Avenue. I was expecting it to be some kind of community hall, but it look just like a normal apartment from the outside. I rang the bell anyway.

"Come in," answered a voice, "it's open."

I opened the door and entered. I was right, it was just an everyday flat, albeit a very bare flat, no sign of whoever had answered. Bar a computer at the end of the room and a set of drawers and six mats laid out across the floor, the room was empty.

"Make yourself comfortable," said the disembodied voice, "there's a coat stand and shoe rack to your right."

I looked around for the source of the voice, then I looked up. There, hovering just shy of the ceiling, was a man in his late 40s, laying relaxed as a cat on nothing whatsoever.

"I'm Terrence," I said, as I removed my coat and shoes, "I read about the lessons in the paper."

"Welcome Terrence," said the voice, "I'm John, welcome to the world of levitation. I hate to be materialistic about this, but I'd be grateful if you could place the £32 fee in the fish-shaped plate on the floor to your left."

I took out my wallet. "I've only got notes I'm afraid, can you change £35."

"Let me see." So saying he slowly descended from the ceiling, as if laid out on an invisible lift. When he reached my level he fumbled in his pocket and took out three pound coins. Transaction thus completed the invisible lift ascended back up.

I walked to a mat by the window and laid down. "I'm completely new to this," I confessed, "I just heard that levitation was a good way to relax."

"No problem Terrence. All you have to do is empty your mind, the rest will see to itself."

There was a knock on the door and someone called Jane entered. Within the next few months she was followed by Tania, Jo, Joe and Esther, all six mats were soon filled.

"We're ready to begin," said John's voice from the ceiling. Let's start with you, Terrence, empty your mind, tell us what's in your head."

I could see this was going to be a long Saturday afternoon spent lying on the floor, divulging innermost thoughts and personal information with complete strangers and probably none of us would so much as move from the ground.

That's what I was thinking, so that's what I said. I felt it was best to be honest.

"I promise nothing, Terrence," John admitted, "but we will see. Tell us what's on your mind."

"I've had a really hard week at work, I'm supposed to complete twenty orders a week and I've only managed 18, so Tiffany gave me a really stroppy lecture yesterday and Kevin's been really miserable, it's like he's a different man these days. I went out last night and got completely trashed with Sarah and Yvonne, I'm still feeling a bit tipsy to be honest."

With her uppermost thoughts thus released, Jane's body slowly started to rise from the mat, until she was several inches off the floor.

"Thank you for sharing that with us Jane. You see Terrence, once all thoughts are freed there is nothing keeping you on the ground. Gravity is all in your mind, a connection we obey for convention's sake but which we can step out of at any time. Jo, perhaps you'd like to share your thoughts."

One by one we went round the room; Jo, Joe and Tania all rose above me, only Esther remained rooted. It was my turn again.

"Terrence, what's on your mind now?"

I'd learnt from Jane et al, this time I'd share several thoughts at once, empty everything in one go. "I'm a bit puzzled at how people have emptied their minds so quickly," I confessed. "I'm also thinking about why I'm here; I split with my girlfriend about a month ago and I wanted to meet new people, I thought this would introduce me to people on my wavelength. Cerys was a bit serious, a bit too rooted in the material world."

"Thank you Terrence, lots of thoughts there. Esther, what else is on your mind?"

Esther's thoughts so far had been concerned with her favourite soap being taken off TV, but this time she shared new insight. "I'm worried about my pet turtle, Myrtle, she's been off her leaves lately. I didn't really want to leave her to come here, you know how guilty you get when your turtle's sick."

With this weight lifted from her mind, Esther too started to rise. I now had six people floating about me, seemingly without a care between them.

"What's on your mind now Terrence?"

I continued to be brutally honest. "Actually I was admiring Jane's arse, it's really firm."

Thump. A heavy body landed on top of me, I was winded but not wounded. I couldn't see who it was, but soon found out.

"What's on your mind all of a sudden Tania?"

Tania sounded almost tearful in her response. "Why isn't he admiring my arse?"

"Give him time Tania. Over the passing of moons and seasons, all our bottoms are admired eventually."

John's reassurance worked and Tania rose back to the ceiling. It was my turn again. In fact it remained my turn for the rest of the afternoon, I lay back confessing every stray thought in my mind while the rest of the class floated above me: My favourite item of cutlery is the spoon, my oven gloves are a special commemorative pair to mark the 250th anniversary of the abolition of slavery, you use up more calories digesting a stick of celery than you get from eating it, actually Tania does have a nice arse too.

No matter how much mental clutter I turfed out, there was more left in my mind. At the end of the lesson I hadn't raised so much as a millimetre off the floor.

I stayed behind to speak to John after the others had come down from the ceiling, donned coats and shoes and left. Tania came over to give me her phone number. After she'd gone I confessed to John that I probably wouldn't call her.

"What else is on your mind?" he asked.

"I just want to know why I'm the only one who didn't levitate. Were the rest of the class regular students?"

"No, this was the first lesson for all of you, but don't worry Terrence, some just have more on their minds than others. If you keep attending you will eventually reach a state where your mind is blank and you can join us. As you say, it's why you came, to learn to loose all cares."

I went down the stairs in a state bordering on depression. I was such a failure, I couldn’t fly, couldn't stop thinking, I worried about work, about relationships, what I wore, what I looked like, what I was going to have for dinner (fish fingers). I even worried about what would happen if I stopped worrying.

By this time I'd reached the door to the street, but with my final thought released I realised that I was now free, and sure enough I felt myself starting to rise.

Soon I was flying high above the city, heading towards a cosy looking cloud.