My tiger and me

They make out that the tiger's dangerous. "London in tiger terror," the headlines say, "Keep away from the tiger if you value your life," the government leaflets advise.

It's all nonsense, she's as tame as a kitten, she lets me stroke her, tickle her tummy, anything.

I have to keep the tiger hidden, as the army has been given orders to shoot to kill. She lives in my brother's room, where it's safe. My brother's not there, he left with my parents when the tiger got loose. They took me with them, to auntie Jane's, but I escaped and came back.

I was scared when I arrived home and found the tiger here, I suddenly believed all the news stories, that she was going to eat me. But really all she wants is affection, the sort of attention she never got in the zoo. She loves the way I pet her. She's my little pussy cat.

They say that pets start to look like their owners, but the opposite is true with me and the tiger, I've started to look like her. Look, I've grown claws, real tiger claws, sharp; and long enough to kill a man, my teeth long, sharp and brutal enough to eat his body once he’s dead. My body has become overgrown in fur, a rich, orange coat with black, tiger stripes and as the base of my back, there are the beginnings of my very own tiger tail.

It is not my tiger that people should fear, for she stays indoors, living harmlessly on the meat I supply her with. It is me they should fear, I'm the one with the claws, the teeth, and a cunning tiger brain. I don't just prowl the streets, I can open doors and windows. I know what I want and I know where to get it. I can see which houses are occupied, which lights are switched on and off, which cars have been moved, I know where you live. I will come for you.

I am behind you, I'll always find you, I am the tiger.*

* Editorial note: For some reason the above account ends with lyrics from the Abba song 'I am the Tiger', off their seminal album Arrival. The song remains under copyright and is repeated here with kind permission of Bjorn and Benny (they wrote all the songs you know, English wasn’t even their first language).