Sir Kier Starmer Superhero – Sir Kier and the energy crisis

Cherry

By Terrence Oblong

Sat, 14 Sep 2024
  • 390 reads
8 comments
 

“What are we going to, the elderly are freezing to death.” 

“Energy bills have gone through the roof, old people can no longer afford to heat their homes and energy companies are reaping unprecedented excess profits.” 

“UK energy prices are the highest in the world, and yet pensions are the lowest in the G7. If we don’t do something soon millions will die.” 

Enter stage left, a superhero in a cape 

“Is it a bird? Is it a plane?” 

“No, it’s a tediously nasal-sounding middle-aged white man in a cape.” 

“Never fear, Sir Kier is here,” says Sir Kier, for it is he. 

“Sir Kier, thank goodness you’re here.” 

“It’s the energy companies, Sir Kier. Their excess profits are driving the elderly to their deaths.” 

“Never fear, registered elector, Sir Kier will fix it. We will introduce an excess profits tax on energy companies and force them to cut prices. No UK pensioner need ever freeze to death again.” 

“Oh Sir Kier, you’re my hero.” 

“Thank you, Sir Kier, now we can look forward to a winter with the heater on.” 

“It’s all in a day’s work for Sir Kier Starmer. Now, just sign here.” 

“What is it?” 

“You’re voting for me to be your official superhero for a five year term.” 

The electorate joyously vote for Sir Kier (with a staggering 33% of votes cast) 

Enter, from extreme right, Lady Exxon 

“I have come straight from your new MPs, Sir Kier. They have voted for your Bill, just as we planned.” 

“Good.” 

“They are very obedient, they didn’t change so much as a word. One threatened to abstain, but I pointed out that they would be thrown out of the party and subject to a malicious smear campaign by the media.  The fossil fuel firms are very grateful, they have made a generous donation to party funds.” 

“Excellent.” 

“What is this legislation. The cap on energy prices you promised?” 

 “Alas, no. It would be reckless to intervene in the free market and thus stifle business.  This is the ‘Whack Up Energy Bills Again Bill’, which gives the energy companies free reign to keep raising energy prices as much as they want.  Oh, and we’re getting rid of the Winter Fuel allowance.” 

“But you promised us.” 

“Yes, and then you voted for me, so you got a nice promise and I got a sweet backhander from the energy companies. Everybody wins. 

 

Certificate 15
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Comments

Submitted by HarryC on

“No, it’s a tediously nasal-sounding middle-aged white man in a cape.” 

Brilliant.  I retire next year on only the state pension.  And as I've worked for fifty years, I'll get the full state pension.  Which'll make me £12 a month above qualifying for Pension Credit.  So I won't get the Winter Fuel Payment.  Oh well.  I'll have the heating on, anyway.  Let them cut me off for non-payment of the bill.

Thank goodness, as a socialist, I didn't vote for this mob.  At least I'll have a clear conscience as I sit in the warmth of my room and know I can't pay the bill.

Submitted by Terrence Oblong on

Thanks Harry. Starmer built his entire castle on lies so I see it as my duty to call him out. The idea that the pensioners have to pay for everything through cuts while taxing billionaires and oil company excess is out of the question is a political choice that I wish the mainstream media would confront him with. 

 

Submitted by HarryC on

Absolutely.  And they almost resolutely ignore that.  Corporations like Amazon and Google, too, who use our buildings and infrastructure and get away with paying no or little tax.  It defeats me how it's allowed to happen.  I guess it comes down to 'the more money you have, the better the tax lawyers you can afford.'

Submitted by Ed Crane on

Maybe if they hadn't there would be no need to cut the winter fuel allowance ...... Xenophobia has a price tag too.

 

Submitted by HarryC on

Statistically, pensioners voted for Brexit.  60% of the 65+ age group (mine).  But then 56% of the 45-54s, and 48% of the 35-44s - so still high percentages.  That was on a turnout of 72%, with the overall result being 51.9% Leave, 48.1% Remain.  Statistics, as we know, can prove many things!

I had a 'warmish' discussion with a colleague over this.  A pensioner was being interviewed on TV about the loss of the WFP.  This colleague observed "Oh well.  She shouldn't have voted for Brexit, should she."  Quite a big assumption to make based solely on her age and status!  I certainly voted Remain.  Brexit was and is - and will ever remain (no pun) - a fucking disaster of epic proportions.  It's made this country a laughing stock and a basket case.  We mustn't forget, too, how big a role misinformation played in it.  A friend of mine - same age as me - admitted to me on the day of the result that he'd voted Leave "Because of the NHS."  I was dumb-founded.  I mean, the lies on Boris's Battle Bus had already been exposed before the vote went ahead!  This guy, by the way, doesn't have a racist cell in his body, and is actually pro-immigration.  Completely nuts.

Submitted by Ed Crane on

I am also aware the majority of old farts like me voted to leave ... except I didn't or at least would not have if I'd not been if I'd been allowed to vote. I also realise many people did not vote leave because they were racist or xenophobes. But many many did. I had a Spanish friend living in the UK and when she said, "the people don't want Europeans here and the Asians living here don't Europeans either because they feel they have less right to be in the UK than people from the Commonwealth." I laughed at her, said she was paranoid. How wrong I was.

I am also aware the turnout at the general election was very low. That put Starmer in a tricky situation. Damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. He's walking on eggshells, much as Blair had to in the early days, except Starmer has a lot less to play with. I am surprised at curtailing WFP but he has his back to the wall. It's understandable he is being cautious even though it's not doing him any favors. I'd like to see him charge at the mega-rich like a bull to a red rag, but it could very well all go tits-up very quickly. Maybe people should have a little patience before their judgment of him. 

But waddo I know?

(Calling him out won't help though)

Cheers and good luck

If I was you I would be more worried abot the election in november acroos the pond  I know I am!

 

Submitted by HarryC on

The US election is certainly on my list of worries.  I feel a bit like Robert Smith.  Enjoying the strangeness of my 60s as I watch the world go tits ups and feeling grateful, in a way, that I have more behind me than ahead of me.

Submitted by Kurt Rellians on

If Starmer doesn't do something to cap or control energy prices, or at the very least tax the energy companies profits effectively he may well see his voters deserting him, because they will only be as ineffective as the Tories in preserving a functioning social economy. Some good points made here.