Terrence Oblong’s money saving tips (1)

Terrence Oblong’s money saving tips

Save money on expensive boomerangs by simply picking up two similar-looking sticks, throwing one away and pretending the second stick is your ‘boomerang’ returned.

Save a fortune on expensive retro clothing by wearing your own old clothes instead.                  

Catholic priests, save a fortune on expensive communion wine and wafers by giving such boring sermons that your congregation dwindles to nothing.

Suffering from brain damage? Save a fortune in costly brain surgery by simply watching GB News all day. No brain needed.

Suffering from heart problems? Save a fortune in costly heart surgery by taking a job at the Inland Revenue. No heart needed.

Comedians, save a fortune on expensive punchlines.

Spending a fortune on expensive spoons and forks? A money saving ‘spork’ will do the job of both at half the cost.

Spending a fortune on expensive shirts and trousers? A money saving ‘shrouser’ will do the job of both at half the cost.

Spending a fortune on expensive bras and gazebos? A money saving ‘brazebo’ will do the job of both at half the cost.

The Media’s money-saving tips for the rich

Avoid expensive interest on student loans by getting daddy to pay your tuition fees.                      Kitty Poshly, Daily Mail

Avoid expensive mortgage payments by getting daddy to buy your house for you.                         Kate Poshly, Channel 4’s Posh People Buy Houses

Maximise the benefit from the Chancellor’s energy payment to every household by buying hundreds of properties to rent out, pocketing the £400 payment for each house, then making the tenants pay the full cost of the energy bills without any rebate.                                                                    Hereford Maximus-Poshly, The Telegraph

Is your nanny costing you a fortune? Save a pile of cash by simply cutting her wages and threatening to ruin her career with bad references if she objects.                                                    Polly Poshly, The Guardian

The Media’s money-saving tips for the poor

Can’t sleep because you’re worried how you can feed your kids between now and the next pay-day? Then don’t just lay around like some feckless sponger, use the spare time thus created to take on a second (or third) job.                                                                                                                          Jeff F-You, The Sun