Ulf and Sven and the case of the missing trousers

Sven: (offstage) "Ulf. Ulf."

(enter Sven)

Sven: "Have you seen my trousers Ulf?"

Ulf: "No Sven. I have seen no trousers."

Sven: "Are you sure? They are very similar to the trousers that you are wearing. Same colour. Same style. Same seams. Even the same stain on the right rear pocket."

Ulf: "But there is one important difference, Sven. You are forgetting. I am wearing these trousers, therefore they must be mine."

Sven: "What shall I do? There is no sign of my trousers anywhere. They are my only pair. I cannot go to work without trousers, I have been warned about that."

Ulf: "You clearly need to buy new trousers."

Sven: "But I cannot go to the shops without trousers, I have been warned about that."

Ulf: "Then you must phone work and say you are unable to come in. Say that you are sick. They are used to that, most people who phone work to say they are sick aren't really sick. They are just missing their trousers."

Sven: "But what shall I do all day? I was looking forward to work."

Ulf: "Read a book."

Sven: "I have no book to read Ulf."

Ulf: "Then go to the library."

Sven: "But I cannot go to the library without trousers. I have been warned about that."

Ulf: "Then watch TV instead. There is a film on later. About Vikings."

Sven: "I cannot watch TV. Our TV licence has expired."

Ulf: "Then go to the Post Office and renew it."

Sven: "I cannot go to the Post Office without trousers. I have been warned about that."

Ulf: "Then stay in."

Sven: "But what shall I do? Without trousers I cannot do anything. I cannot even buy trousers. I am doomed to stay here for eternity in a trousersless, workless, TV-less and bookless state."

Ulf: "You can borrow my trousers, Sven. When my other pair are returned from the cleaners."

Sven: "Thank you Ulf. Thank you. With your trousers I could go out. I could buy trousers. I could go to the library. I could go to the Post Office. I could even go to work. When will they be ready?"

Ulf: "They will be ready tomorrow, Sven. Or the next day. Thought it might be next week."

Sven: "I will tell work I am very ill. So they do not expect me anytime soon."

Ulf: "Of course, the cleaners might go bust, in which case I might never see my trousers again."

Sven: "Not just you, Ulf. If the cleaners go bust there could be thousands of people left without trousers. Half the city."

Ulf: "The world is a difficult and dangerous place, Sven. Who would want to be a trouser in this world?"

Sven: "Not me Ulf. Not me."