The Harlot 2

Cherry

By loquaciousicity

Wed, 26 Aug 2015
  • 1996 reads
7 comments
 

While all-night Queens carve figurines in gelatine and jade,

behind a door and on the floor a deal is finally made.

A painted girl with flaxen curl has plied again her trade

and now the care within her stare has turned a darker shade.

Her lack of guile and parting smile are cutting like a blade...

Certificate 12
Poem
Other Non-fiction

Comments

Submitted by scratch on

I'd like this to stretch a little further.  Strength and depth of feeling - really good.  Night queens is one word (nightqueens) and the revision doesn't compromise the syllable count.

Good one.

 

Submitted by loquaciousicity on

Thank you, Scratch!

You're right... I did make a mistake...sad

But I meant "all-night queens" which is a little different to "all nightqueens"...

either way, "all night queens" aint good...smiley

I wrote something earlier ('The Harlot')... and the above is perhaps a ' stretch' of that one... whatever...

Anyway, thank you for your critical reading and your kind comments

 

 

Submitted by scratch on

I see.  Yes, that makes sense!  Well done with it anyway.  Its brevity is no marker of insignificance.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Well worked rhyme.

Bee

Submitted by loquaciousicity on

Thank you, Bee!

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

The last two lines are cutting in their poignancy too. Again, is the first line referring to the same girls, or is it a contast? Rhiannon

 

Submitted by loquaciousicity on

Thanks again, Rhiannon,

Yes... again a contrast... 

I think I should (and therefore now will) capitalise "Queens" ...