Fun with tax returns 2 The Tax has returned!

So I received a reply from HM revenue and customs saying 'you didn't send us any money you just sent us a photo of you hitting Bruce Willis with a 1/28 replica of the Titanic.

I replied and said hey I'm a complex chap I've just restarted my job as a Taxi Driver but I'm less of the 'Taxi Driver' type and more of the 'Taxi' type, yes my life is more similar to a fairly amusing comedy rather than a Martin Scorsese film I'm not joking. My first customer was this guy that looked a lot like Ben Jonson, i said do you like William Shakespeare or do you consider him a rather cantankerous rival? He said I'm not Ben Johnson I just look like him I said ok buy you must admit the resembalence is extraordinary what does Ben Jonson look like? I asked he said I don't know how do you know if I look like Ben Johnson if you don't know what he looks like I just know i said. This is my road he said and got out Bye Ben! I shrieked in an irritating high-pitched voice he then punched me in the face so I drove off.

I then drove really fast because was angry and then almost ran over Eddie Murphy... Oh I better get back to the taxes I don't know how taxes work I suppose I make about £400 a year i mean £400 a week what do I do do i write you a cheque? I don't have many savings I don't know if that factors into anything how's about i send you 310 and a picture of me with a Dylan Moran look-alike yes that'll do.

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OK I see that wasn't sufficient this reminds me of the time I worked as an astronaut have you noticed that children's programs call 'astronauts' 'spacemen' even though everyone with a brain knows what an 'astronaut' is its quite strange I never was actually sent into space but the only preparation i did for the job was memorize the words to 'Ground Control to Major Tom' but i can't play a musical instrument so I decided to sing it like a rap because many raps have periods without musical instruments it was pretty terrible but the interview chaps at NASA found it quite funny so they gave me a job as a cleaner i said i'd kill them if they didn't make me a spaceman err I mean astronaut so they said i could become an astronaut.

I then quit because the only food they serve is American food I told the NASA chef I hated American food the chef said that American food is what they generally eat in america so I said that the chef, American food and South Park was a load of SHITE then I quit.

i then became an extra yes i moved to Hollywood and met my Hero: that guy from The Big Labowski who shaved his hair in iron man 1 or Iron man without the one that it was called before the sequels i say my hero and said ;you're my hero what;s your name he said surely you know if I'm your hero no I said I'm your hero putting emphasis on your he said i was also in tron I said what;s that I've seen you in thunderbolt and lightfoot that was the directional debut of Michael Cimino or something i forget his name his first two films were good then his others were bad Jeff Bridges walked off i shouted wait I've got it your name is Rodger Morre he said no its not and its spelt 'Roger Morre' I said how do you know that i spelt it wrong i said it you can't hear a misspelling he said you pronounced the 'D' I said i'm busy I've got to go he punched me in the face I said that hurt you're not my hero anymore i'm going to join the Bruce Willis fanclub he suddenly apoligised and I retracted my statement i said my do't you like Bruce Willis he said what are you talking about you can join the Rbuce Willis fanclub if you want but I just had a fit on concience and I only punched you in the face becuase it was funny i said well it wasn't funny but I accept your apology then I took the next train to Jauntyville and bought a manor hoiuse there then i becuase a train driver don't worry i actually know how to pay taxes i'll send some cash to you i a couple of days when I've finished watering my spice garden.

Anyway, then I started eating garlic bread and soup and olives and casserole and lobsters. I eventually satisfied my hunger and left the resturant into a taxi and fell asleep. Then I woke up.