Doubt

Doubt

Prompt 7/5

This was the first time... I felt doubt. I had listened to the pretty
words and not believed any of them. I had been hurt and promised myself
to never believe them again, those words that sound so beautiful, but
mean absolutely nothing. But now - something was different, maybe in
his voice or his eyes, or the words he was saying. Maybe just the man
was different.

Perhaps that was it. Women joke about men as if there wasn't a decent
one among them, but what if there was? And what if I had found
him?

Ludicrous, of course. Why should I be so lucky and meet a nice guy?
That hadn't happened before, my "boyfriends" ranged from data rapists
to outright lunatics, with a short stopover at the guy who couldn't
even be honest about his age, let alone anything he ever said to me
about his feelings and our future together. No, I knew this guy was
just like all the others, and nothing he said could convince me
otherwise.

Except&;#8230;

Well there was something. In his eyes, and his voice - which,
incidentally, was almost unbearably sexy - and in the way he was lying
on my couch, wearing my dressing gown, the sleeves too short but he
didn't seem to care and neither did I. We were drinking red wine, he
was saying all those words I had heard before and I was looking into
his eyes, trying to read what he really meant, trying to find the lie
so that I could walk away and not get hurt again.

He held my gaze, and I guess that wasn't an easy thing to do because if
I am honest, it was probably more of an arrogant stare. You can't hurt
me, it said. You are letting me see your soul but I'll be damned if I
do the same. You can say anything you like, nothing will persuade me to
give you even the smallest part of me.

He held my gaze and returned it, probing every bit as much as I was.
There was a connection, I would have died before admitting it to him,
but it was there. The words changed. Suddenly there were new ones,
words I hadn't heard before. Not that I believed them any more than I
had the others, but at least he was being original. I am a cynic, I had
to remind myself. Nothing good ever happens to me, life stinks and
nothing this guy says will make that otherwise.

Yet I felt doubt. There was something about him - the voice, the eyes,
who cares, something. I believed every word he said despite doing my
utmost to dismiss it. If I hadn't been fighting so hard I guess I would
have fallen in love that day.