KIDS.

 I watched the movie KIDS(1995) tonight. Its probably been one of my favorites since sophmore year of high school when a friend who I could probably consider a little self-destructive now, introduced it to me. But anyway... These kids ( in the movie ) they walked around New York City like young gods, reaking havoc and causing mayhem. For my fifteen year old self, this was was thrilling to watch at the time. I have always wanted to be reckless, and selfish, and troublesome. I have always envied others who were promiscious and and mischevious. What was wrong with me? What was wrong with them? Why did I give a fuck? Why have I always cared?  I can't but help but feeling deprived of potential moments of spontaneity, that may have occured. But how can you miss somethng that never happend. ... Let me not fool you, I cut class and smoked weed with "friends" in tunnels, but maybe there just wasn't enough of those moments. I may have not indulged as deeply as I should have. I am still very young with an excesive amount of time ahead of me. But that time (high school i mean) is over, it can not be revisited, no corrections can be made, no re-do's or reruns. I've left that time unscathed.  I just finished my first year of college and I don't know...