Scenes of Some People I Know Undressed (and) Correction to: Scenes of Some People I Know Undressed

Scenes of Some People I Know Undressed

*
Todd
*

I never thought of myself as modest.

When you said we were getting in the hot tub
and you undressed so abruptly in front of me, your
bravado tore the fire from me.

I became suddenly shy

and I asked for a bathing suit.
You asked me : "Are you shy?"
I said: "Yes." And though I had never
answered an affirmative to that question
as an adult, my entire body seemed to
agree, I wanted to melt away, to hide in
your bookshelves with your
intimidating collection.

You brought me a bathing suit
and when I entered the water I felt absurd-

I might have worn a raincoat in the shower-
shivering and shrinking from the deluge.

*
Faith
*

Eventually I would fall in love with
Melissa, but I wasn't there yet. We moved
away from the light of the fires and she took
off her top. We played and swam in the night
ocean. Floating under the moon we laughed at
the whole of Vietnam somewhere stretching
through the darkness. Later I thought,

can I do this?
Can I change the rules this late?

There was never a good opportunity.
I never did anything.

*
Graham
*

He did not know that I had been sneaking around sleeping with
men-

furtively discovering my criminal sense of community.

We drove all over Florida looking for
our vacation. After we went swimming we changed
behind a tree. He put his boxers on and they clung to
his wet body, his penis slid out the opening in the
front. He didn't notice. I did and averting my eyes
I felt like a fugitive, or like an interloper. Like Cortez
teeming with disease, dipping his first toe into
paradise.

*
Evie
*

Oh the love of my life.

What heaven if we could actually choose what we wanted
in our beds. But that's not how it works, and you trained
your body for months in preparation for some other man's
pan-Pacific flight. And in the bath, drunk and crazed, you
wrestled with him in front of me. Your dripping bodies slapping
against one another, you fell, and kissed the tile with your
forehead.

You scared us all, but you were fine.

All I could think that night was: "How little he has to offer
you."

*
The Dancer
*

We were friends since we were little.

And to be clear, I didn't disapprove
of her profession, but it embarrassed me
a bit. I'm very easily intimidated by people
who are selling the idea of sex. I went to
pick her up one night and this giant black
woman was on stage, the announcer called
her CoCo- there was nothing sexy about
her, what she looked like was intimidation.

A different night, Bejay and Adam decided
they wanted to go see The Dancer in
action, and I was already a little drunk so I
agreed. We went into the club and sat
down, and as I ordered my drink I saw her across
the room, standing on a table above several
seated men. Her chest was bare. She lifted her
minimal skirt to reveal her naked front and
bottom.

I wish I could say that the sight of her made me
sad or proud or something. But I really felt
nothing. The truth is people grow up. And if you
don't talk to them all the time, the familiarity
falls away, like a g-string, if you'll allow the analogy.

So actually,
all that happened that night was a drunk queer saw a stranger's pussy
across a room.

*
Bejay
*

I remember passing the slatted doors of your
bathroom, and knowing you were changing
inside, looking briefly for your silhouette in the
tiny spaces. Yet,

When Buster said: "Boys who are friends don't make each other
CRY."
I knew what me meant and I seethed in offence.
I wasn't That Way.
I had That under control.

It makes me miserable when people with no tact
or empathy turn out in the end to be right. No one
should come to know themselves through the actions of
a bully. Yet,

So many do.

*
Peyton
*

After I did The Worst Thing I Ever Did, he waited a little
while, then he called me and said: "ok".

Not long after that I was in his childhood bed and his skin was
so
warm and his arms and legs were so strong and I
thought: "Thank You."

And some time after that it was over.
But I still love him.

And it pains me to know it, yet it makes me feel very strong
to say it out loud, using the words to bless the silence when I'm
alone and holy.

*
Buster
*

Fumbling with our twelve year old pricks under
the cave of my quilts, Ben suddenly asked for something
to drink. I slipped from the bed and pulled on my PJ
bottoms- my bean sprout-fresh erection tenting them at the
crotch.

Returning from the kitchen I met you in the hallway. You never
wore clothes to bed. And delirious from sleep, you ran into
me in the dark.

My naked father's penis bent against my torso, my little sprout struck
him in the leg.

You acknowledged nothing. And dripping with shame I slunk
back into the bed, into Ben's hands.

That night I had dreams of strange and miserable animals milling in the
dark, planning something devastating.

*
Matt
*

You said you walked around the house naked
all the time with your roommate. I was very
jealous. I wanted you to be that comfortable with
me, but I wasn't sure if a gay man and a man man
could be that close. I thought you might be gay anyway.
I still do.

The times when we shared a tent I would hold my
breath, waiting to see if a hand would wander over in
the dark. If in your sleep, your naked leg would flop over
and rest against mine, my entire sense of being would
collect like mercury on the spot where our bodies connected,

and it would pool there drawing in heat,
preparing for the worst.

*
Becky
*

As you and James sat together in the bath, I looked at across
at you, you seemed shy and made sure your arm was always
across your breasts. I was charmed that you would be so
timid, when your body was so beautiful- your glorious rack
shining and floating on the water, while our penises shrunk
into their nests- pink as boiled shrimp.

*
Bollywood Dan
*

He was very odd.

I don't know if it was an act, if it was so be it-
it was charming in every way.
He saw things in the ocean.
He made childhood jokes shockingly relevant.
He stayed out in the sun too long and got burned.

I mentioned I had some after sun cream. I told him
I'd give it to him, in exchange for a little
something. I was used to being the sexually dominate
personality in the room- I made jokes to make sure
everyone knew I was comfortable with the fact I was
an ass-pirate and they better damn well be too.

His response shocked me however, he said: "Fine, I'll
let you rub it in." I had no retort, I'm sure my cheeks
must have burned. In that moment I stopped being
amused by him and began being fascinated. We were
in the gym when I gave him the cream, he took off his
shirt and though he offered, I insisted someone else
apply it to his back. I watched from the bench while
I sat doing curls.

I'm still not sure if I should have accepted the offer.
Not that it probably would have made any difference.
Except that the story would be better.

*
Paul
*

All this mess got started because of him. He was talking
about visiting a tanning salon, and in that moment I
imagined him there dozing, naked, cooking under the
lamps.

And though nothing about the scene was sexual,

I still felt awful for thinking it. Because Carlos was standing
right next to me, and we were dating, and they used to date.

And something in me broke a little or cleared up-
and I thought of this nice poem-
this catalogue of nakedness

of shame and of compensation

Correction to: Scenes of Some People I Know Undressed

I started, sometime in early

adulthood, making notes in

the margins of every book I

read. then, at some point, I

stopped. I don't remember

when, there was no conscious

reason for the change, I

never made the decision to stop,

I just did.