Singles' Night at Asda

I was in Asda last night heading for a ready roasted garlic chicken
when I caught the eye of this pretty girl and she started to follow me,
I was sure of it. I stood in 'loaves and stuff' and hid in one of those
holes in a crumpet whilst I contemplated my next move. She leaned on
one hip next to me and studied a baguette like she was in an art
gallery or something. Anyway, I thought the only way I could be sure
was to move around to 'alcohol' and see if she followed me so I did. She
was a bit shy at first and stayed in bread and I'd just decided to give
up and take me chicken friend home instead when she appeared . So
without haste I dashed into tupperware and yes she's
there hot footing it round and I'm nearly hopping up and down with
nerves as I swerve to avoid a trolley and a kid and skid into 'dog food'
where I stand in the the aisle looking for a sign with an expectant
smile and a hand resting on a bag of Heroes mixer. And I wait. And
wait. And wait AND SHE'S HERE so I dart off again and race across to
'cake' and I'm squealing in delight now and she's sliding
through 'dogs' flat on her face and Hallejujah! This is lust, this is good
sex this is that stuff you read about in porn mags, this is 'meat', so I
bark my order to the assistant and she throws me a hot chicken in a
paper bag and she's getting very close behind me now so I zip through
pork pies, across to washing powder, past the cashier lines and out
through the door and before I can turn around I'm flat on my face on
the floor and theres this guy with his hand on the scruff of my neck
and she comes running out shouting "Thats him!" And I'm now doing a
mental check and I'm so out of breath I'm nearly choking and she's
poking around me and I'm like "Hey, hold on! - whats the score?" and
she screams,
"SECURITY!! - AND THIS CHICKEN AINT PAID FOR!"

Ohhh Fuckin Eck!