Being a bit of a traditionalist, I have always listened to the Queens Speech on Christmas Day.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not some kind of royalist nutter who worships the monarchy, but growing up, we couldn't sit down for Christmas dinner until the Queen had finished.
But every year it seems to be the same thing, highs and lows of the year, natural disasters, etc etc etc. So I thought, Knowing how busy Queenie is that I would help out this year. I will write her speech for her.
I know she's a big fan of ABCtales and logs on all the time under various names, so Queenie this is for you.
Good Afternoon everyone, Merry Christmas.
I know that a lot of you may have suffered some hardship this year, what with the Banks fucking up and then the cuts in public spending. So I thought it was time that I gave us all a treat to cheer us all up.
On 29th December there will be a free party in every major city in the UK. There will be three in Scotland. Aberdeen, Edingurgh and Glasgow. In England there will be 20, including Birmingham, Manchester, Newcastle and London. In Wales there will be 5 spread around the country this also goes for Northern Ireland. These will be held in various public place like parks ( weather permitting), Town Halls and other major venues. No excuse if your not local as all public Transport will be free on that day as well. They will start at 20.00 and finish when the last man/woman falls over.
All drink is free as is the food. We will try to make sure that everyone is catered for so we wil have everything from jellied eels to Goat Curry.
Now I have to stress that this is for everyone that lives in this great country of ours, I don't care what religion you are or what colour you are everyone is welcome to join in.
The music will be varied too. Although there will be a lot of Chas and Dave, cos that was my mums favourite! But we'll also have Vera Lynn, Tamla Motown, Bangra,Jazz,Rock, in fact every kind of music you care to name we will try our best to play it.
I don't want to hear any nonsense about how much its going to cost either. It won't cost the tax payer a penny. I've been down to cash converters this morning and done a deal on three crowns, two tiaras and one of the carriages. So money is no problem.
Finally I want to wish everyone a fantastic Christmas and a Happy New Year from me and all the Family.
See you all on the 29th. By the way Fancy Dress is optional but I'm going as Dame Edna and Philip is going as Mr Bean.
Well, I think its a bloody good idea, anyone else?