NEW!!
Tue, 2005-12-13 10:48
#1
NEW!!
hey everyone! i have just posted my new story. well... a chapter of my new story. let me know what you think when you read it okay?
archergirl
Now, now.
We will read it, no doubt, in due course.
archergirl
It's the season of madness, as far as I'm concerned.
tcook
And very welcome they are too!
archergirl
Mad people?
No, seriously, I have read it, Palvi, and will comment forthwith.
Rigmarole
There do seem to be a lot of newbies around at the moment, is it the season? - must be the season of madness, as far as I'm concerned....heh...heh...heh...
Well, I read your stuff, and I'm guessing you're a youngster, and you've got a way to go, but you your heart seems to be in it,,,,don't be discouraged.
Wheel in the good-cop-bad-cop fence-mending contingent....
archergirl
I thought it was a good start. Like most writing, it could stand to be tightened up. Some of the conversations sound a little, well, unrealistic. I mean, young people don't introduce themselves to a stranger at a table first thing, do they, even if they're going to share it? At least, the young people I've known (and was myself, once).
Would a person actually let a strange young man drive their Porsche? What, are they nuts?
Anyway, keep going. Try having someone read the dialogue to you, like you're in a play. You'll see what needs to be tweaked.
Good luck!
palvi sharma
thank you so much for your interesting observations.
i know some of the dialogues seem unrealistic, but what i really wanted to show, was a young woman who hasnt seen much of the world and who finally decides to come out of her shell.
however to tell the truth, even i wouldnt behave like some of the characters.
but the story is about to take an interesting turn (hopefully).
a lot shall be answered in the next chapter.
Foster
I think you're off to a good start on this one...my one observation comes from these lines in the opening paragraphs:
Everyone seemed to be in high spirits
Everyone seemed happy
Everyone seemed excited and happy
looking out the window at the happy people in the street
Christmas time or otherwise, people in the streets of NYC definately don't look happy, especially not in the winter. I've lived there - I know...sort of like London, from my experience. Nobody smiles or even looks at you, with a few exceptions, of course.
waiting for chapter two................
archergirl
Ha! Good point. Not sure New Yorkers smile, -ever-.