We Split the Dalis - bosch

I liked this. A gentle tone belieing something serious and the ending is surprising and effective. I'm still very wary of having capital letters at the start of a new line. Especially with all these run-on lines, I just find it distracting. Joe

chant: Thanks for flagging the poem. It's probably not finished, 'Did she breakdown' needing to be shown and not told to be most effective, but then we have all of our lives to perfect poems, and to refine ourselves as well. Thanks to Joe for the comment.

Agree about the capitalised lines - I have to be convinced a poem really needs them at the best of times. Would also break "breakdown" into two words. Breakdown is a noun, break down is the action. Other than that, wicked piece, and a great subject. Nice ending line too.

I always find this style of writing rather difficult to get next to. To me it always feels like a single paragraph split into short lines. The lack of rhythm, the capitals at the start of each line (Though I wonder if that was deliberate) and the conflicts in the story at the beginning and the end all fused to make it difficult to establish just what was happening. Have they split the collection? has the relationship broken or has it re-made itself in the last lines? What I did get from this piece was an awful feeling of lonliness, whatever else had happened. I could almost hear the tenor sax playing The Blues in the background and hear the rain lashing against the windows. I enjoyed reading it.

I like this too - I felt there was very strong rhythm in the first four lines. The moving room to room is very effective too, and I generally found the use of unfamiliar words (most of the names,) added something - perhaps it simply made me 'feel' the language more because my brain wasn't automatically skipping to the meaning. I'm the same as Joe with regards to the caps - I read so few poems that are done like this that when I do, it grates slightly.