I Can Recall

By Bradene

Thu, 23 Oct 2008
  • 1264 reads
4 comments
 

I can recall
how it used to be
when you were holding me
while you were sleeping.
Then suddenly
we
would
be
moving
in unison
to some urgent tune
only we could hear
a
pounding
beat
rhythmically
sweet.
I can recall
how good it used to feel
intimately
real
in that secret world of night;
it
felt
so
Right.
I can recall
the night drenched taste of your lips
seeking mine
your searching
finger tips
trailing over
silken thighs;
dark brown pools
of devil eyes
glinting satisfaction
at my
softly
sated
sighs
that mingled with our scent
when passions were spent
and sleep
stole our
senses,
all…
Ah yes, yes, yes!
I
can
recall.

©
Copyright
VMM2008

Certificate 12
Family Life
Love

Comments

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Val, love these lines in particular:- " ... dark brown pools of devil eyes glinting satisfaction ..." If only we could bottle moments like these. I guess the next best thing is to right a lovely poem about them, which you have done here:-) Tina xx

 

Submitted by Bradene on
Yes a Memory of when things were still so good. Thanks Tina. Val x

Submitted by jennifer on
I agree with Tina, that line is superb, as is: 'I can recall the night drenched taste of your lips seeking mine' However, the structure is, in a word, annoying, and detracts from the power of the poem as a whole, which is a shame.

 

Submitted by Bradene on
I tried to make it rhythmic, obviously I have failed although this has been published in La Fenetre. Thanks for the comments though Jennifer perhaps you may like to show me how you think I could improve it, after all just because it's been published once doesn't mean it's set in stone or perfect in any way and I am always open to good suggestions and I know they will good be coming from you. Love Val x