A Distant Thunder

Cherry

By Silver Spun Sand

Fri, 16 Apr 2010
  • 4145 reads
15 comments
 

Blueberry-blue – the sky
tonight. Tossing
in her sleep – throws off
the bedclothes; goes back
to a bedsit in Glasgow.

Shards of light
prick muslin drapes –
pierce paper-thin eyelids.
Somewhere, a baby cries.

The chink of money
changing hands –
the hollow clamour
of dustbin lids;
the trash-man
always comes at night.

Outside 'The Tunnel',
neon signs flick –
red and green. Beyond
steamy windows,
the fog of false hopes,
mixing with mists
of how it is...

slowly rising. Sweat
trickles down
between her breasts;
glistening.

Certificate 15
Poem
Silver Spun Sand Poems
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Yoyouster on
how is it a 15?

Lil M

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Thank you for reading and taking the trouble to comment. My judgement, your view. Fair enough?

 

Submitted by chuck on
Maybe way off base SSS but your poem made me think of J K Rowling.

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Not at all ,Chuck;-) I'm always open to interpretations and I see where you're coming from, as they say. Thanks for reading and for your thoughts. SSS

 

Submitted by shoe on
So evocative and expertly penned, I especially like stanza 4, though the shards of light and paper thin eyelids have a delicate quality and create an almost painful image, to me anyway.

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Shirley - you always notice the litle things which I think will go unnoticed. Thank you for taking the trouble to read and comment so intuitively. You indeed captured its essence. Have a nice weekend. Tina ;-)x

 

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
This is wonderfully atmospheric, Tina! Love the first stanza: 'Blueberry-blue – the sky tonight. Tossing in her sleep – throws off the bedclothes; goes back to a bedsit in Glasgow.' - such original imagery! And I love how the poem goes from the image of something huge like the sky to a sort of 'macro' image of glistening sweat - very effective ;) Well done on the cherry! Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Hi there, Magic! And thank you. You are gem like Shirley, and I so appreciate your, as always in-depth comments, which help so much...as you would know only too well. Make the most of the weekend;-) Tina xxx

 

Submitted by Highhat on
"the fog of false hopes, mixing with mists of how it is. . " you could stop here and muse over how it is but it goes on and I like it very much indeed. Every word is short and simple and yet profound with the afterthought.Well done indeed SSS.

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Well thank you;-) Strangely enough, I was just commenting on your latest, which I liked, a lot. Glad you enjoyed and your comments are more than appreciated. SSS;-)

 

Submitted by Beeme on
Very well done on the cherry! I adore the opening lines, such beautiful imagery. "Blueberry-blue – the sky tonight." This was my favourite stanza; "Outside 'The Tunnel', neon signs flick – red and green. Beyond steamy windows, the fog of false hopes, mixing with mists of how it is... " You never fail to impress me with your skills at making everyday going ons, so captivating. I have to say, although I know I have before, you have a gift with making words paint pictures for the reader and allowing the narrator to tell their story with a vividness which is astounding. Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Beeme - why do you always render me speechless? I don't know. Possibly because I can see me, many years ago, somewhere near to where you are. Tina xx

 

Submitted by kheldar on
"Beyond steamy windows, the fog of false hopes, mixing with mists of how it is..." My favourite lines from a beautiful poem. David xx

cool

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
David, so pleased you like this one and thanks, so much, for telling me;-) Tina xx

 

Submitted by Nolan on
The mood of your poem made me think of T.S. Eliot's "Preludes". I would say it's first class it's just the last stanza I feel it's out of place really. Cheers! Nolan